20091231

Au Revoir 2009.

So here we are again. Obligatory contemplative end-of-year post. Sounds corny, but it's kinda sanatory to me. We need a licit excuses to have a cliched view of doing things sometimes. As I do now, I know I'm tremble but who fucking cares.

2009
...I'm not going to compared the dissimilarity between 2008-2009. Each year I once discovered the changeability of mine that I have learned much and it's kinda therapeutic to me. I hate so much towards the goddamn yesteryear's memories that I have to admit, I'm still trying to forget. Most likely, the boyfriend may feel the same as he had said that he would not listen or reminisce our past memories. So I won't spill any of it here. I should respect his willing.

...the best thing about the whole fervent affair was this; I able to saved my own fucking arse. That was my choice to just walk away from all the mayhem and havoc disturbance. I should gratefully thanks to him. And myself. For those fucking salvation. So, I will limit those flaws that jeopardised our bond.

...there's no need to assert this anymore; but the spotlight of the year is without doubt the boyfriend. I've raved much about him for everyone to know how much he means to me- which is sooo darn true. I'm proud of us. Really! So yeah I got really fucking lucky. So who am I to not stop creaking about misfortune? Fuck me.

...this will be the first new year's eve in 2 years without Kaki clan, who were got their own plans. Aimie cannot make it as she's got plans in JB with her other besties. The sister; Nurul also not around, I guess I'll have to start getting accustomed to not having them around for a lot of things too anyway :'(

...as I said on the previous post, I've made a vow to change drastically about one thing of me; I mean whatever it is; well I have this sudden inexplicable urge to chop off my fucking long locks that may turns out to be horrid nightmare of mine. Well, we will see then.







I love today, MAJOR LOVE! The whole day with him did electrify me albeit did some al-nighter-as usual, from 2p.m till 5 freaking a.m with him was fucking awesome indeed! I guess, I'm not touchy about the sudden shorter hairdo I made, it's been an ages not have this kind fucking haircut.

Talking about the day; I was agreed to accompanying him for an interview at Carrefour (Subang Jaya) as account position he wanna fits in. (Sayang, can you do accounts anyway? Ha ha) And then we went to get off my fucking L licence at Section 27, finally. (Phew!) When I were asking to cut off my hair at the bestie's (Aznie) salon, he turned out to be moody and sullen because initially I do not want to cut my hair at her salon with some reasonable reasons that I just wanna keep to myself, thank you. Grr. Maybe he don't wanna meet Aznie after all chaos happened to us(?) Whatever. I still wanna go to Aznie's. Thank you.

Had been waiting like hell there for my makeover time. I've asked Aznie's elder sister; Kak Noni to do the task as I only trust her. But at last, my hair was chop off shorter than I have requested. Goddamnit. As I have said that I wanna do some drastic and a massive switched to my own look than before. Or maybe Kak Noni really wanna do some fucking 'magic' to me? The hell! I wanna have a better haircut exactly like Isla Fisher's hair in Definitely Maybe! But this, it's way different that she has. Grr. As the boyfriend said, "I don't wanna see you hair have been chopping off away. I'm gonna surely miss your former hairdo, sobsob". Ha ha. What a feeble you were, Sayang. Well, I'm that sarcastic too. Spank me hard please?

I need a time to get an outstanding feelings towards this new flash of me; this new year's hairdo. Fuckyeah. To make it happy; my head feels sorta lighten and bouy up my appearance I think. Heh.

After the makeover done, we went out for lepaks at Pak Li's Kopitiam. At that time felt sorta weird when he did non-stop look at me with his sweetness gaze on me while stroked my hair gently. I love his warm touch indeed. Oh oh the story still not ends. I asked for a movie night. Avatar kesayanganku (finally!) ended our day perfectly. Our seat was in great position as well. And so our 'movie'. Muahaha. The movie is initially started with mind-numbing track but we have to admit that was worth the dated. And I love the ending of the story, beautiful. Thank God he didn't zonk out. Thank you for your time sayang.

Well, I'm truly fine with the new hairdo as I'm always welcoming a new things around me. And so to twenty-ten! Can't fucking wait for any unplanned plans for tomorrow as we haven't plan anything at all. Definitely wanna celebrate the night with him. I wanna get his frigging 'magic' again. Ha!

Shite times, great times.
Just another one of those fucking years gone by anyway.
Kan?


"By blood about me I fall when you leave, by blood about me I follow your lead".

20091230

Douched.

Got my baby back; the one and only entertainment I have. Muahaha. I've been drilled too much on a new downloader like fuck right now. Massive appreciation to Mr Sayang for the whole endeavor. Thank you. The must-have downloads; YYY's album. Hurray! I've eventually got my OWN downloader. God bless me. Ya I already knew that. (-.-)"

Thank God;

...for the gratifying night out after much heartbreak drama happened to us lately. The fight that worsened and jeopardized our relationship. But not tonight darling. Calvary may come accidentally, calvary may go peacefully and leave us alone. Needless to say, I had jolly fun today with him. No stress no pain in the ass.

...and my sister (Nurul) had finally texting me. I know, as the boyfriend have said that she might not able to frequently keep in touch with me as she so damned busy with works. I have to admit, I missed her terribly that will makes me weep out loud like a kiddo lose her mom. What a prick. Above anyone else, (Don't be jealous eh Mr Sayang), I came to her for solace and she will cheer me up in any ways, we shared everything. When no parents nor boyfriend or even the bestie can maybe understand my quandary. She's the one in my life who is never convertible as she is the one that I trust the most. Too bad, we can't spend my last day here together since she merely free on weekends and I have to go back Segamat on fucking Saturday. FUCK. To make it worst; Lina's (The cousin) engagement happen on Friday and oh perhaps I can't even celebrating the New Year Eve here with Mr Sayang. Holy star, oh please give me another exclusion this time around. Pretty please~

...finally putting YYY-Maps in the playlists and listening this song over and over again. Heck, I can't find the Stars-Elevator Love Letter song. Godamnit. I shall not ever change the Electricity Scape here. That song do electrify me all day. Tee-hee.

...loving his 'magic' still. I could not resist having my dearly craved magics anymore. I won't stop craving it. Thank you, Sayang. Oh well, I love our webby pictures.

Allow me to introduce you; The Newest Geeks in town!

Tak pasal-pasal kena kiss. Yeay :)

Fuckyeah, can't have better hairdo.
Failed.

Boring.

Next up; must do this stupid activity on the next session. Ha ha.

...last night, he said I made him proud of me. I've finally eliminated all of the exes' gifts at somewhere only we know. And I did happily get rid of it, no regrets. That's the another step in being new of me, douched any dirts away that had dwell in so many years. If you need a brightest future, let the past foregone and never turn back. I follow his words which I think the best. I want a dandy life. With him. That's my vision now. *Crossfingers*

The only thing that irked me today was that; mom told me (Again!) that my brother found himself a final decision to quitting his study at UKM after 3 bloody years! Boo fucking hoo. And he wanna start over again in poli. Stupid arsehole. Secondly, Kuantan calling-Lina's engagement. Haih, if I don't go what will she say. Humph. I wanna get a jolly night on new year lah. How lah?




Can't wait to see him again tomorrow. I wanna chop up my long locks short. Heh
Yeay, I've got my life back!

20091229

A Note to Mr Sayang.(replied)

I have nothing to say. Running out of words I guess or perhaps I'm just getting bored of blogging(?) Ha ha. Today is might be another dreaded night, indeed. I think, Mr Sayang and I must find a better resolution. Well, I should forget those crazyass moments; won't spill about it here anyway. Pain in the ass. Period.

I gave my OWN lappy to Mr Sayang as he wanted to borrowing it desperately (Heh!) and mocked me to throw my precious things off away at longkang, memang sengaja cari nahas lah lu mat. Ha Ha Ha. Although he has his OWN compy and the broadband at his home, he still wanna used my lappy as I urged him to take charge and drill my stupid games at my OWN Mukabuku. Lepas satu bebanan, heh. And he did comment himself by using my OWN id okay! Sungguh funny la sayang. Well, I never thought he did that sweetest post on my OWN bloggie pun! Oh well, I'm insanely loving it, so no complaints whatsoever. I'm so darn happy! Oh sayang, thank you for that sweetness.

*Jerky smiling*

Muahaha!

The 'tawar hati' mood has to fade away no matter what. Well, I never intended pun to feel that way. I'm just...spineless and weak now. I hope he could do something nicer then. Heh. Anyway, I hate slapping you lah moron! I don't wanna do that ever again, don't force me then if not I'd rather kill you by myself intentionally! Ha.

FYI, I can't simply copy & paste anything in this bloggie as he wanted to do that. Who teach you to type at notepad first? Padan muka, kena taip balik. Muahaha. But it's kinda weird, why the heck is that happen eh? I can't even put any music videos from youtube here as I did that on my older bloggie before. Why heh? Grr.

Bengang betul.

But today is bizarre indeed. I can FINALLY copy & paste yo. Yippee! Or maybe my lappy didn't wanna cooperate with me? Yeah right.

So, the time has come. They don't love you like I love you.






Oh I love you, Karen-O-verrated!

Karen's (O)rgasmic moan in this video? IMMENSE LOVE! She sounds sexy even when faking it, that sexayy bitch. The madness moment aside now; her voice is just beautiful here even when live, flawless. And so Nick's serabai hair. Love it still :)

Okay, I know I should sleep now!




p/s: When I read back this before I publish, baru perasan too many 'OWN' I have typed! Heh.

A note from Mr.Sayang

love is a hard thing.. the more we got ourself deeper, the more we eventually will fall.. it could break ur heart to pieces, yet it could make ur life a living heaven.. Love takes us to beyond ourself, dragging us far from our routine life, yet it changes u to becoming a wonderful person, a person that u love wishes u to.. one day we may be up, another day we may be down.. thats just the nature of it..

no relationship is easy, one day we're at the highest sky, and the next day we'll be way down to earth.. And maybe im the one who pushing it rock bottom, but hey, u r my angel, use ur wings to fly us up back lah.. :-)

who ever thought that the devil overwhelmed us today, damn u iblis2 sekalian.. losing our sanity really not the best way to make things right.. And yes, if this act happen again, i'll find a way to make sure those black eyes dont appear again.. next time, i'll let my 'magic' do the talking, and ur ermm, ur 'magic' do the finishing.. :P

i know im done wrongs, the little became biggest, anger become hatred, but in the end what i feel is totally different :

"I LOVE U" become "I Love You so much, and for me not to love u is unbearable and the thought of losing u already make me feel so fucking down, and therefore I MUST(is the exact word) to love u till the end, for good and for worst coz u know i cant live without u"

and my quote is

"I am myself to think logically, but to think what really is, "I AM YOU".. U are the perfect woman to think of that reflect me and for that, i lay my life on your shoulder"

Again, im deeply sorry.. i know im the one that went over madness.. And to her bestie, im sorry.. Rily have went too far this time.. I am not the men i am before.. GOD! plzz transform me back to my own self back lah.. im tired of this Dr Jackyl n Mr Hyde act..

Note to myself : "WAKE UP YOU MORON!.. im halfway woke up now, thanks to the slapping and dush dush! by my liltle kitty.. heh.. thank you.. deserving it, n u take all the credit.. perhaps we should (really/not really) do this slappin n dush dush! again huh.. *kinda like diz u know, woman slap rily hard to the one she cared, and i think i know where i stand in u.. it does mean a lot to me.. in the end, i know u care for me more then anything.."

Note to the owner of the bloggie : "I LOVE YOU".. and out of the topic to say this but who cares, "CANT WAIT TO GROW OLD WITH YOU"

20091227

The Stupid Misapprehension and The Littlest Flaw.

Last night was a dreaded night ever. I know, I'm one lousiest lover who does not deserved the salvation at all. I was acted like a moron lately. And I know, I'm one fucking idiot, I have to admit that. I desperately hope he had faith in our relationship but I know I've already broke it at the first place. Serve me right. We've never fought that bad. Yes I know we've always fought but not foist a wrath as fuck like this one. The actual fact is, yesterday showed us how wussy I am. Am truly messed things up.

It suddenly reminisce the past memories of mine. But the antidote is our sweetest memories that I will never throw off. I thank you for that sweetness.

From the pleasant night out turned out to be horridly horrifying night ever.


After I had lepak with the bestie (Again!) and her boyfie; Aren and his sister; Kak Lily at Carlos for shisha-ing session and playing card (Again, ha!)-Oh well I've non-stop won this time despite the fact that I've got so-called fight and I can't fucking stopped mumbling myself simultaneously, I still won though I'm suck! And then we gotta online facebook to opened my Xmas gift at Farmville-I don't know how the heck to open it. Hence, Kak Lily helped me out as she excitedly opened that bullshit gift like her own because she already sold the gift(!) without knowing that gift is for the holiday tree and can grab when Xmas comes blablabla, okay I know I shall stopping it now before the main issue unable to explicable here.

After all much bloody chaos (the fight through fucking SMS) happened there, I've asked them to sent me off to another mamak just to meet him so that they don't have to send me home; I shall not ever forget the way to go there, the place that I saw a shooting star before this, that could be my own lucky star. Never thought he would lepak there anyway. I've thought it might be at Ali Berkat or Melur. Heh, we are officially mamak's lover, people! Bahaha :D

My only littlest flaws; not asked him for lepaked together with them, since Carlos is he's frequently visited place to be and due to the fact that I failed to cajoled him wisely. What a dimwit I was. So he off to another mamak; E.N.S without any hapless. As I wanted to fix the problem that I was triggered, he wants me to see him at there. Grr, how the fuck lah I know the fucking direction to go there as that place is quite difficult to remember as I'm one fucking pelupa. Oh fuck me. Ergo, I'm supposed to showed up by 10 fucking minutes that he gave me. How the hell lah I can do that you tell me? Again, I failed. Well, don't get me wrong, I'm the greatest bad. I'm no way better person than he is. I've already hurt him badly so I deserved that only 10 minutes.

Fuckyeah, after 2 fucking hours he have been waiting until the football match almost ends, only then I was merely showed up. His friend; Zayid admonished me with some undesirable signs and his fucking advices-well thank you for that. I know he never tells what's on-going between us to others. I believe, his moody and sullen face tells Zayid all. Needless to say, I severely felt guilty at that time. Sorry. He as so tempestuous not said anything to me like I was a toy there. Great!

After all trouble that I have hassled, I deserved his horridly wraths. And all of the vows we had made on just the other day was eventually in vain, just like that.

*Clap clap*
I applaud us for that.

When thinking about it now makes me mad at myself. I ain't as bulletproof as I thought I was. Shame on myself. To be true, I wasn't like this compared to the past relationship I had before, I haven't in a tad jaded much to think as what I'm thinking now. I haven't wept like hell for altogether broken relationship since I was a adolescent when I've promised to myself not to give my all to them. Because it's simple, I'm afraid of feeling jaded. I'm tired of feeling tiredness. In decent words; I hate feeling of brokenhearted. It will merely hackneyed like running in the circle, stuck in mad world. So the aged quote shall be; 'Love fools you!'

But this time around, it's completely different. I will certainly tumble like a World Trade Centre collapsed after the plane hit it. *Dushhh!* Then fall down just like that. 'Love weakens you.' Maybe that state is right. But I'm gonna give all I have to prove that was totally wrong!

Note to Mr Sayang; I'm all good with those fights, it gives me much moral lesson under misunderstanding error. Fight is maybe needed but in small dose much preferable. I love you anyways. I ain't a dimwit okay? Will pinch your arse hard, I mean hardest on the next session! Can't wait.






p/s: Ain darling, so sorry tak dapat jumpa, I'm totally broke to go there. Lepak mamak je. Kesian kan? Hukhukhuk :(






20091225

A mind-boggling moment.

I had fun today and yesterday. Had sooo much fun and splendid time I tell you. It's been an ages(?) have not a 'usual' hangouts like that. Credit to the bestie; Aznie and her boyfie and Kak Lily for the day but heck I'm all alone-no Shahir. Fuckit. Though I did PMS like hell, I wouldn't refused the invitation of heaven. Muahaha. After watched the fucking Santau, she texted me after all majoks and no catch-ups. And how the hell lah I can resist her kan. Plus, I won't stay home (I mean I'm alone)-all mucked up!

Had sleepover at Kak Lily's crib yesterday-oh please know that this is my first time sleep at her place but we did fine all night long. Playing card, spilling session-the gossiping thingamajig, online shopping then only at 6 in the morning I zonked out and slept for measly 4 hours. We had another hangouts but today is way crucial. This time around, we went out to Bangsar-Bukit Bintang.
There's a few pics;

Guess what the fuck is THAT? Ngeh.
Moo~
This cute little things cost RM50.
What the heck lah kan.

Tired of waiting his girlfriend(Aznie) sampai jadi gila dah.
Muahaha!

Aznie, Kak Lily & Aren.

And I've just...cracked. (Duh!)

I so detest having a window-shopping. Grr!

Our mission: Find a dress for a casual event.

But she bought a cardie.

Only!

After did some oh well ALOT! of fitting but still not found any and this is how your face will look like!

Finally, we just don't care to buy or not.

Camwhore people!


Only God knows what I feel now. Pretty hectic of everything; backache and headache. Every shopping outlet we stopped by I was automatically find myself a bench to sit and inhale deeply. That was motherfucking tiring. What a prick. *cue sad face*

--------------------

Oh on a much much much sadder note; I don't know what the fuck else that I'm still doing wrong? I hate seeking a perfection after all. Fuckme.

p/s: I miss playing card with Mr Sayang oh-so badly! And not forgotten, I miss playing that with Ain sayang :)



20091221

The Theory of Perfection.

Reminisce back to the previous issues, I have made so many troubles. And for now, I'm still hoping for a so-called 'miracle' to comes. Is it will working? Well, for that I should 'compensate' him with a good demeanor and some 'magic'. I believe one fine day he will realizes that I'm not the cruelest person ever he knew; or even the most annoying person.

Simple words that I should put on my mind; You come to love not by seeking the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person turn out to be perfect, perfectly.

A person will always look for a perfection; flawlessness. A feeling of complete. A time where I will cherish for the rest of my life. I wanna feel that such of feeling eternally. When I see an opportunity to be complete, I will religously hang on to it. But sometime I felt a different path there was. A big mistakes. Stupid as it may sounds.

I can merely hang on to what I only have. Which in my case, it is YOU. I know life is not about logic, and if it's about logic life is easy to be predicted. No one wants a boring life isn't it? So do I.

Ergo, I don't give a fuck anymore, I'll hang on to you. Through the thunder and sun, through day and night. And the way you accepted me in your life (I thank you for that), oh well I think I can't even pay back it in any logical way with my stupid brain could think. And because of that, the only way for me to repay you back is to love you. Ceaselessly.

I will find the perfection of mine. And the only way I can seek is to stand by your side no matter how hard it could be. We will stand still after all fall downs. I know it's hard but I'll be damned if I let go because no one have what we have. Thus, I'll stay the same, with the idiotic theory of mine, you may.



I know I'm not very good with words these days.

Sigh.

20091212

A Turn On, Perhaps.

These are four items that I picked for 'what is on my mind's quiz:

-A heart shape
-Cat
-Violin
-Calculator

And here is the analysis:

"You'll drop everything to be with the partner of your dreams, and you'll give their sentimental presents rather than expensive ones. Nevertheless, your spontaneous nature does have a limit, and when the romance is over, you'll head back to work to pick up the pieces. "


-Another stupid quizzes to wreak.
HAH!