Last night was a dreaded night ever. I know, I'm one lousiest lover who does not deserved the salvation at all. I was acted like a moron lately. And I know, I'm one fucking idiot, I have to admit that. I desperately hope he had faith in our relationship but I know I've already broke it at the first place. Serve me right. We've never fought that bad. Yes I know we've always fought but not foist a wrath as fuck like this one. The actual fact is, yesterday showed us how wussy I am. Am truly messed things up.
It suddenly reminisce the past memories of mine. But the antidote is our sweetest memories that I will never throw off. I thank you for that sweetness.
From the pleasant night out turned out to be horridly horrifying night ever.
After I had lepak with the bestie (Again!) and her boyfie; Aren and his sister; Kak Lily at Carlos for shisha-ing session and playing card (Again, ha!)-Oh well I've non-stop won this time despite the fact that I've got so-called fight and I can't fucking stopped mumbling myself simultaneously, I still won though I'm suck! And then we gotta online facebook to opened my Xmas gift at Farmville-I don't know how the heck to open it. Hence, Kak Lily helped me out as she excitedly opened that bullshit gift like her own because she already sold the gift(!) without knowing that gift is for the holiday tree and can grab when Xmas comes blablabla, okay I know I shall stopping it now before the main issue unable to explicable here.
After all much bloody chaos (the fight through fucking SMS) happened there, I've asked them to sent me off to another mamak just to meet him so that they don't have to send me home; I shall not ever forget the way to go there, the place that I saw a shooting star before this, that could be my own lucky star. Never thought he would lepak there anyway. I've thought it might be at Ali Berkat or Melur. Heh, we are officially mamak's lover, people! Bahaha :D
My only littlest flaws; not asked him for lepaked together with them, since Carlos is he's frequently visited place to be and due to the fact that I failed to cajoled him wisely. What a dimwit I was. So he off to another mamak; E.N.S without any hapless. As I wanted to fix the problem that I was triggered, he wants me to see him at there. Grr, how the fuck lah I know the fucking direction to go there as that place is quite difficult to remember as I'm one fucking pelupa. Oh fuck me. Ergo, I'm supposed to showed up by 10 fucking minutes that he gave me. How the hell lah I can do that you tell me? Again, I failed. Well, don't get me wrong, I'm the greatest bad. I'm no way better person than he is. I've already hurt him badly so I deserved that only 10 minutes.
Fuckyeah, after 2 fucking hours he have been waiting until the football match almost ends, only then I was merely showed up. His friend; Zayid admonished me with some undesirable signs and his fucking advices-well thank you for that. I know he never tells what's on-going between us to others. I believe, his moody and sullen face tells Zayid all. Needless to say, I severely felt guilty at that time. Sorry. He as so tempestuous not said anything to me like I was a toy there. Great!
After all trouble that I have hassled, I deserved his horridly wraths. And all of the vows we had made on just the other day was eventually in vain, just like that.
I applaud us for that.
When thinking about it now makes me mad at myself. I ain't as bulletproof as I thought I was. Shame on myself. To be true, I wasn't like this compared to the past relationship I had before, I haven't in a tad jaded much to think as what I'm thinking now. I haven't wept like hell for altogether broken relationship since I was a adolescent when I've promised to myself not to give my all to them. Because it's simple, I'm afraid of feeling jaded. I'm tired of feeling tiredness. In decent words; I hate feeling of brokenhearted. It will merely hackneyed like running in the circle, stuck in mad world. So the aged quote shall be; 'Love fools you!'
But this time around, it's completely different. I will certainly tumble like a World Trade Centre collapsed after the plane hit it. *Dushhh!* Then fall down just like that. 'Love weakens you.' Maybe that state is right. But I'm gonna give all I have to prove that was totally wrong!
Note to Mr Sayang; I'm all good with those fights, it gives me much moral lesson under misunderstanding error. Fight is maybe needed but in small dose much preferable. I love you anyways. I ain't a dimwit okay? Will pinch your arse hard, I mean hardest on the next session! Can't wait.
p/s: Ain darling, so sorry tak dapat jumpa, I'm totally broke to go there. Lepak mamak je. Kesian kan? Hukhukhuk :(