20100131

Push Button, Pull Trigger.

It's been such a long time for my sudden disappearing act on the blogosphere. I've found myself a little bit fagging and had some fucking sullen feelings for blogging lately, so yeah pardon me for that. After all much heart-break-dramas and also not-so-happy-hol happened, I find myself horrifyingly missing him fucking more. This stupidity theory for squeezing in as much time with Mr Sayang in merely 3 freaking days for confronting another 2 fucking weeks without him was indeed bullshit. Alas, I find myself terribly missing him more now. Fuck it. I utterly craving for another weekend folks!

Grrr.

Frankly, Mr Sayang had actually set our blog as private&confidential on the past week. And I've decided to deactivate my facebook too, and he did it though. Really, I don't have any idea why the heck I did that. What a superficial jerk I was. Oh well I'm sticking with those blogosphere no matter what. Anyway, Mr Sayang had suddenly outdid himself for posting his sweetest post that is too personal to publish it to public. Ain't no public declaration here anyway. It's exceedingly personal lah. Ergo, I have to keep it at the draft only. No offense eyh Sayang!

I really had fun, especially at the time in his wanderings and for our driving class was indeed mind-fucking-blowing, you're ace Sayang! And not forgotten your wizardly powers of magic! Damn, I'm loving it. Albeit we didn't meet last night, I'm still thankful to see you just now though. Really happy. Even though just for a little while, but I still have the joyous time with you. But somehow, it makes me miss you more lahhh Sayang. Boohoo. :'(

Sedih sebentar.

I just hope we don't fight much after this. I really need your source of inspiration back too. I don't know why the previous fight has eventually happened to us. Well, this is a mere example of how a person who usually sound mind has make an unsound act in a nerve-wracking situation. I know, I've been nagging much, I've been neglecting your feeling, I've acted like a fucking moron lately. It was totally my flaws. I don't know how it comes to this worse. My emotion and the sudden mood swings were screwed up. Oh my Lord, I really really don't know why this is happening.

But, do you know, what suffer the most is totally not the trouble that I have caused, it is actually what the trouble had made me realize. I am a fucking loser-I have to admit it. For nearly 11-bloody-months, we've never fight. Okay fine, we had a few spat here and there but I think, I've never felt truly upset. I know, I've requested so many times of break-ups requirement from you, but deep inside I've never certainly meant it punnnn, I desperately hope you could stay. I'm fucking loving you still! I'm just screwed things up, I know. And it's absolutely wouldn't succeed to jeopardize our relationship today, nor hereafter.

The fact is; I'm worse. I was selfish. Period. I'm no way better person than you are. So I deserved all the heart sore. It weren't you that had brought the pain, it was me. When I read your post, I realize that I was too selfish, unjust and whatsoever. Somehow, I feel that I don't deserved you at all. It showed us how much of a weakling I really am now. Boo me.

Sad.

Well I oughta know, change is hard!


Note to Mr Sayang: I'm so sorry for fucking around here. I just can't help it. I truly sad now. I'm gonna miss you 'little boy' :(