20100331

There's a possibility

To this point of time, all that my feelings are saying is that “Im worried”. There have been some situations where we wish we didn’t meant to do and a situation where we wonder “how the fuck is this happening”. Things are surely way U-turning on us back. All of this month period we shared a glorious moment suddenly changes it way to such a gloomy days.


I admit some parts of me rebels for things that gone out in wrong ways. This feelings really ate me up a bit by a seconds goes by. And it fucking hurting me when I can’t really helps to care not to think bout it. I wish things turn up to be exactly what we both satisfied. I just received a news that she’s going to be NR for the next semester. And Hell muthafucking I aren’t satisfied. I intend to protect her, but I guess she wanted it to be that way, So I guess things that you want to do and have, I better keep my mouth shut. And there's another thing that makes my heart to pond really fast that takes my bloods to fill every time I think about it, but I intend to keep it myself as I have no right to say it. I wrote this for my inner self calm, I don't wanna be the instance Hulk which I know I'm born to not being that person. But know this, I will never really the same as I am now. It seems like you got what you wanted, but I’m here intending to not breaking her hearts. You have this mightiest time with your bestie either I liked it or not, while I’m nowhere to reach of that point of fun except only when you’re here beside me.




Things that makes me really deeply in state of unstable condition.




A phone call from her yesterday really have put me back down to earth again. She argues she’s sick and eventually and desperately rushed to clinics. To this moment of time, Im regretting every second of my time and hitting myself hardly for not actually be there for you. Yes, I know this time period is where you needed me the most. Makes it much harder and tougher till I shed my tears and blame no one but me for this circumstances.




If only I’m there to hug you.




To put this on a much more reasoning way, I shouldn’t really write this blog. By all means necessary, I should be with her now to support her as she needs everything of my magic now. Time doesn’t allow me to be there, and financially I’m broke. I hated myself for this situation. For not being able to do anything for your own loved one. To just only hearing her suffer while you can’t do anything about it is something that really tortures me. I suffered the ignominy for not being there for my Kitty. It sucks when your loved ones is in a deep problems and you are 200 miles from here and you can’t do anything. If time and financially admits me to go, I go this Friday or Saturday. Somehow I need to see what really her conditions are now.

I’m sorry……..

I wish for god’s to convey her pain to me, as I did shed tears for praying it. Let her feels okay and let me feel the pain. I am so ready for it. For her to back normal again, I am really prepared to sacrifice anything. It really torn me to see her like that helplessly. When you love someone, you don’t really expect her to get sick as you already have sets your mind that she’s like the angel. To see her like that, I must admit, it takes everything out from me. I feel like I am responsible for her sickness, I need her to be healthy again and I am willing to do anything just to see that smile of yours back.

Kitty, I wish you could realize how terribly concern I am to you. I am willing to take all of your pain if I could rather than to see you in such conditions. I care for you too much till I don’t really care what’s mine. I know you are dealing thru hard times, but please do be strong as you are stronger than me you know. I wish I could re-act of what I have done to you by forcing you to be with me when you fall sick once. I wish I could be that one person that are sitting beside you know and watching you 24/7 of your health now. I admit I am terrible effing jealous for your friends there who are watching you now and I’m here waiting impatiently for you to urges me of your conditions are. I’m one mess human being now. But for you, I have got to be strong too right? The things that I could do now is prays for your health and be your doctor via texts and calls.

Well, that’s the thing when you’re in love. To think of you all the time is such a wonderful feelings. To care for her, to live every moment with her even in such distance. I believe in this love, and I am not gonna let you feels this pain of yours alone. I will not let that happens. Even if you call me annoying, or neglecting me, I don’t really care. I just wanna see you healthy again. That’s all what’s important for me. You means too much for me, till I can’t relax myself to see you in such pains. I am one man you can’t ignore.

Owh god, With my hands closely, I beg for your mercy, please give me guidance to help her in this case. I desperately need her to be healthy again. Please take my prayers. Amin.

20100329

Tho' I so detested of darkness but please turn the lights off now, dumbass!

At Segamat back. What a cosmic catastrophe I've got when think about how much time were gone down the toilet for about 6 fucking hours! APA NI?! Lembap gila, macam siput babi! GRRR. I've got backache already damnit!

Eerily, I understand it now how much was I detested of saying a goodbye. In my case, the previous heartbreak scene is an evidence; Mr Sayang and I had a little squabble over petty things but I don't really understand why I was truly upset at the moment, definite agitated. Since I did leave him without saying a goodbye, I blamed myself for being complete bitch. The only thing I did is just looked down and reading a novel (but I can't kept it up though). My heart non-stop nagged at me to look at him. With a huge will power of mine, I looked up at him, with a hatred faced.

Fuck me.

I've been suffocating myself, I know.

I hate this emotional roller coaster ride. I SHOULD pun my bitchy whining to a minimal after this. To make it worse; I've had enough of having a fucking acnes today! Fuck it. My skin is getting horrid now. Need a new resolution to have a healthier skins. Sedih :(

But!

Speaking of the brilliant weekend we had, I still got his lovey-dovey magic nevertheless. We'd still got a loaded joyous moment. Needless to say, I've finally got my 'refresh button' for that, happy for the time being. Yeay :)

I love making a heart attack surprise for you anyway!

Only for you.

Muahaha!

And I've eventually meet the bestie (Aznie) after a disappearing act of us! Since we both are deadly broke lately, we're just having a lepak session at Carlos, fuckyeah. But I still managed to made it out fun with bingeing Apple Besar there. Who fucking cares. Playing Chocaitie, (Did I spell it right? Whatever. . .) gossiping away while waiting Zayid (Mr Sayang's friend) to come. Aznie, now you'd feel what I felt when hanging out with you and your boyf without mine. Tee-hee~

--------------------

On a vivider note;

Finals in 3 weeks?!

Haiyoo~

Can't fucking wait for this semester ends.

Cepat lahhh.






Loads of Ymadness; K.


20100326

Well, I guess im wrong about the bad news. Just got a really serious damn good news! She's coming back home! Yay!!! Can't wait to see her.

~Love is in the air~

20100325

I Miss You...

I Y YOU Kitty

I Miss You Like Crazy~

Already…Y



I wish I could turn back time and get back a joyous weekend and be with you like usual. The previous therapy session was indeed tiring but we really have so much quality time right. Not gonna get any better than this I presume. We did tons and we feel tons. Its like the weekend was intended to be created only for us. We barely have time with someone else, Just me and you and the black car.


The weekend doesn't start so well, the ego was really in front of us. It's like a defence that both of us have prepared for the one month of a hell period. The bugis and the minang would come to this war to determine who conquer who’s heart. ;-P


At first, the moment I pick you up, I had this feelings that you have changed. Felt like a 'lil bit awkward. But with just a minute, Wait, Wait, hearing her laugh and the way she talk to me, Yup! This is the very same Kitty that I’ve known. She didn’t change at all. That’s a very good thing. Lucky that she didn’t change as we don’t meet for a month okay!



If I could drive by not looking in front, I'm sure I would’ve looked at you back too Kitty. It kinda sweet when you stared at me so long when that time I picked you up. Still wondering, why lah you stared at me like you wanna eat me. Haha. Am I getting uglier or what. But the best thing is someone shed her tears for just only a reason, coz she miss me too much. That was so heartmelting. That teardrop like a signature of yours for your truly missing me so much. It really been my honour to love you too kitty.



To start a day, Yes I as a lousy men who doesn’t have much to plans intentionally invite her to watch movie together just another reason for me to lepak with her. I know it lousy, But its just a simple excuse for her to move her ass from that house to meeting me. We ate at sushi king and the kings of Wasabi are here. I am the legend for eating it. Notttttt!!. Thank you for inviting me to ate that, I really enjoying eating there. Then We watched Alice in wonderland, I wasn’t focusing much on the movie as I secretly looking at her as much as I could. But I do realize that Johny Deep (am I pronouncing correctly?) whatever, Doesn’t really look like him at all. The graphic was awesome, Well the movie are great!



Later then, The compression of the one month period for just 4 hours are really breathtaking. She did her magic so beautifully and really was great! Owh I miss her magic again. If only I could have you everyday and every seconds. Well the nights aren’t over yet as we had another therapy sessions with Shisha-ing at carlos-ing. The spilling out sessions where I'm trying to be a very good listener as she non-stop talking for almost over 2 hours ok. Wow! I give her full marks for her presentation skills at that very moment. I know your excited to meet me, That talking is just another proof ryte. Hehe.


The next day, it's ice skating baby!! I'm not that good with just a razor blade shoes, I prefer converse, period. But for her, to just show her I really had a great time in that cold tryna not to fall situation, Use my most determination to walk on ice, And I did it. I learn that because I wanna be that one to teach you, Why lah your being too afraid to walk on ice with me. I thought I'm the one who’s gonna save her from embarrassment of falling, but the one that did that was her.


I could write a textbook of what we’ve done this past two fucking days. There’s plenty of experience to shared and yet still feel it ain’t enough. Somehow I needed her for a month after a month of falling short of eye to eyes contact.


To be loved is a thing, yet to feel the love is the most importing thing. I guess what I'm trying to say is love could really deeply changes someone. Look at her now, So amazing and to be even compared with her once before, you couldn’t even imagine how much she has changed. She’s the new her. The very one that I'm damn sure perfect for me. She transform herself to be the most perfect Mrs Shahir. What makes wonderful is she change because of me. For me okay!! Therefore, I cant be much more prouder than this than to say thank you for being the women I adore the most. The one that really care of what my needs and wants.


I'm glad you do take this relationship as serious as it are now. To be part of your everyday life is indeed the best part of the most. I cant thank you enough for being with me this past weekend. Your face is everywhere now in my head. The necklace was truly sweet , I guess it should be considered a medal for a year relationship kan. Don’t you ever leave me, my love for you is way beyond what you think I am. I cant wait for you to be back here again. I miss the excitement with you.


Last night, I just heard a very bad news. She have been forced to stay at the Hutan longer then expected. Shit! How the hell should I found my very own tranquility if she’s not here. How can I, after a month of falls to expect another month? Twas truly a test for us huh. Well to think logically, by far is our biggest challenge yet. And for this things called love that I have shared so long with you, distance won't tears us apart. So I'm holding tight my hands, Looking at the 3 stars and wishes you to be strong too.


Plus, We're 1 1 1 baybeh! I bet noone would really expect us being this long. For the doubters, BOO YOU!! Haha. This time, Been seriously missing her too much. It felt just like yesterday I just saw her face. I'm gonna wait patiently as ever to hold the nerve this time. Going to be hard, But I know the outcome would be too damn sweet to resist. I miss you,


"

Should I remind you back that you are the wings that
keeps me on the clouds?"


"Did you realized how I am tremendously
delighted to see you?"


"Now, can
you measure much of how deeply I am in love with you?"






I know my writing is kinda suck, But who cares. As long as I enjoy typing it, I don’t care. Hah!

20100323

A thing. . .

A thing. . . that makes me deucedly happy was that;

This has been an amazing weekend. Hoorah!

Had splendid weekend ever with the one I loved. Finally. We had extremist joyous moment by squeezing every minute together. We just don't care of the fallout that we might get. We just wanna grab our precious lives back on track! And for that, I must say that I never felt regret for just spending every penny and my priceless time with Mr Sayang.

To my IMMENSE gratefulness; I've eventually got my life back and of course(!) we wouldn't waste every second of it. Hoping that I won't hate it for another day without him. But I know I couldn't keep it up sooner or later, I know. Nothing can help me but him, and his magic.

Yeah, his lovable magic.

Talking about that precious day; I was fucking amazed when after I hadn't see him for 1 fucking month! I'm the most happier person in this world, I supposed. Crazy as it may sounds and fortunately I don't fucking care for just hugging him straight after our eyes met. I was melting down again when the lovey-dovey mode had launched. Yeay :D



I so want a fond embrace now can I?



***


First day (On Saturday afternoon)

I can't imagine how disaster it could be happens to us after 1 month isolation. Feels like wanna give him a HUGE spank for making me lunatic enough. Tee-hee. But what I did; while he was driving away to Sunway for watching movie, I was stared his eyes without his knowing so as he won't notice it. Fail. What a shy cat I was. Hihi.

I love Alice in Wonderland. The things had drew my attention was the Tweedle-dee & Tweedle-dum in this movie. Fucking cute. Same goes to Chessur, nyiaww~

Not forgotten Mad Hatter-Johnny Depp :)

And then we had shisha session at Carlos as usual. I talked a lot of what happened to me in fucking March, I detest March from now on. It's an emotional roller coaster ride for me and us. I just need him as much as I wanna heal the pain that night, I guess 2 hours of non-stop nagging were pretty much satisfied. Heh. Like Mak Nenek, I must say! Sheesh.

I know, people/s who's actually has brain will see who's an innocent in the final scene. But I ain't gonna let people who are near and dear to me right now might think I'm such a complete weirdo, no way. I wanna be the bulletproof, still. Don't give a fuck for THAT tiny matter. Ha ha.

Second Day (The Finale)

Back to the major topic of the day, we really had a great time. No regrets. But the thing that successfully annoyed me is when I found myself can't even properly skate onto the ice people! To be frank, I was non-stop screaming like a fucking idiot, in a decent words-like a wimp chicken! I was afraid if I will collapse onto that fucking gross ice (I can't even imagine that!) and I hate the feeling of being a loser. Fuck it. I so detested that feeling. Ridicule at me if you don't mind of losing your fucking tooth! Ha!

Well, most of all, I love Mr Sayang's swing! He did it awesomely way cool even when it was his first time in skating. Clap clap! And thank you so much for making me a bit frantic by making a sudden unstable walked in front of me and then grabbed my hands for him not collapsing. But guess I was the one that will be your victim at that very moment. (People might stupidly celebrating for THAT). GRRR. To make the matter worse; my leg was bruised slightly. It happened maybe because of the bond of the shoe I wore that was too tight and had compressed, made my move were bad enough. Heh, defensive pula.

We haven't skated much since I've promised to keep accompany him to find his new car. We really hadn't any idea where to find 'em. I've been wondering what shenanigans we'll get into this time. But I love us still :p

At last, we just bought a Motor Traders. Ha ha. Tak perlu susah-susah pusing cari car showroom. -.-"


A thing. . . that irked me was that;

I'm in trouble. (Oh oh)

If I need to describe the state of my account now in 1 word, it will be fucking pathetic! Serve me right, spend like I'm one rich brat. If I keep this up I might be having a Maggie for dinner all night for the rest of my semester. Have to STOP the temptation to fling but sometimes when you start to splurge in attempt to spend the precious time with your loved one, it seems sooo worth it. So, do you still wanna blame me for spending on them? I think not! So as Mr Sayang did THAT to me. When I wanna binge sushi at Raja Sushi, he will say yes and yes and yes. And to whatever concerning my demanding, he will automatically say, "Yes you can, Kitty".

I was very attached whenever he said such thing.

Well at once, I was bloody worried concerning to my freaking orgy of spending. I was ten times suck above anybody else! That was a BIG mistake when I found myself of being broke! SCRATCH THAT!

I don't actually have much time for blogging since I merely have a test in four freaking days! To make it insane the test including from Chapter 6 to 10, darn it. Plus, I have a tons of assignment. And oh I came to class without bring my own stupid brain this lately. I was numb and helpless, I'm screwed. Dumb ass. Ergo, no yeay :( The 'high revving' brain needs its time off now. Since we've only start our day, it must be slow down nevertheless.



***



This is what happened to us in three amazing days;

This is what gonna happen to you when you think that you can't even skate!

A hideous face.
I know I'm not good in pouting!

Shitfaced indeed.

Get ready for skating.
Me-pretending I'm all good!

The most beautiful snapshot.
Peace upon SA yo!

Please roll your eyes and think why this house's owner use a besi buruk as their fence eyh?!
Stupid people is everywhere especially in USJ.

3 days of dating but only one snapshot together. APA NI?!
Itu pun nasib baik ingat! Haih.
That was taken on Monday, the day I left SA.


My future shelter.
FINGERCROSSED!



***


NEW FLASH;






Fucking love it!




***



22nd has come again. (Even dah basi but still wanna drag about it!)

For a brighter note;
I didn't miss out our anniversary's celebration this time! Hoorah! And for that, I wanna congratulate to us for having a chance to celebrate our sacred day together.

So here we are,



Officially hit 1 year & 1 month & 1 day!



20100317

The timeline you did is sweet! But this one is better!!


Where to start, hmmmm, okay FYI my mum is going to umrah this Friday. I wish her all the best in doing her pilgrimage and I really am hoping that a lot of things she could learn of anything and be blessed there. And also wish her safety, I really want her to have the greatest time there.


"Amin"


.............CHAPTER TWO............



Today such a weird day, I don't really know why but I feel something wrong today. It's like something tryna tell me that something is not right. But what is it?? It has been playing in my head. I do hope nothing really went wrong.

Speaking bout yesterday, I still owe you another post huh?! Hahaha. I mighty glad you do like my previous post, I didn't put much thoughts there okay! Just type type type and publish without hesitate because I didn't have much time. And by the way, thank you for even had a time to reply it anyway. Means a lot.

It will be just another two days to go huh, and that leave us with two days. Okay!, that's fucking awesome! How can we gather a month of being apart to just having 48 hours of time, damn it! Still, what can we do righttt. It's a fate that we must carry on, though it will be really hard (no wait, it is hard!). But there is a bond that attached us which had no time could surpass. So I've got no worries at all. As long as we keep our promises, we'll be far more than okay.

I know I was right to choose you all of this time, your undying love is what really keep me going this year, we both have managed to succeed everything since we together. I guess what im trying to say is that you inspired me and hopefully you feel the same way about me too. I really appreciate at everything that you have done to me, It was all too sweet. We have our own extraordinary journey, Its not a metaphore, We really do! So many things happens which some of it was too good to be true, Im sure you know what I mean ryte kitty. It was the best, and im sharing it with you.

I still remember what we had last semester, we had a really jolly time. No kidding, We does! Being there for you when you need me was really the moment I missed the most. Last semester if you had even just a littlest problem, I come to baiduri and kidnap you lah. Remember the time when you're sick and pretended like you okay? Hah! I drove like Micheal Schumi kowt, Yet failed to reach the clinics to get medicine. :-( , The funniest thing is, the co-driver yg demam tu automatically healthy back coz too damn scared and non-stop sayin "SLOW SIKIT BOLEH!!!!" due to my proffesional driving skills that I learned only watchin ESPN! Yehahaha!

But...

Sadly this semester there arent me in your books there, You have to be strong by yourself there and not to have my *to the rescue* act anymore. Really if I could, If I could be Edward I'd already run as fast as I can to be there for you. So I blame the Cullens for not biting me till now. Damn you Cullens!!, Anyway I hope what I wrote and what I feel do inspire you to be strong; For I aint going nowhere to just wait here for you. Do be strong for me as I already am being one for you.

Owh I almost forgot, today is quite amazing. The keyword would be 'SUPRISED' and 'SWEET'. Why? Muahahaha! Kitty called me while im working to just wanna talk. Tho' it only for a minute, but that really energize me back! That short conversation really do make me smile. Sweet indeed. Make my day. I know most part of her are telling that she miss me too damn much. I got great instinct remember? You just too miss me ryte kan? And another suprise me, she called her mom and asked her to have a lepakin session with me. Hmm, can I handle that? Nak datang beraya hari tu pun *dup dap dup dap* laju gile kot. Hmm, Hmm, Hmm sure why not. Sooner or later I will see her in every raye pun kan, Part of the family dah pun. Nows my chance to strike a dart in her heart. Impressing my mak mertua. Yeah! I shall bring my most angelic face to impress the Queen.


You fucking miss me huh? :p


To ease your pain of missing me a lil' bit, I shall say this magic words 'I MISS YOU TOO'. Not telling you a lie but when im woke up in every morning, the first thing to do is grab my phone and check wether you text me or not, which you does every single morning and had never dissappoint me. To be the first person you think of waking up is so wonderful. Its like my image is glued stick to her brain and makes her cannot forget me even a second. Feeling lucky? Yes I do. :-) To be part of your everyday life without really being there is enough for me to feel so special. I really cant afford not to have you for even a day. So, dont you ever dare to speak like the devils way again. Which you know how much I really love you.


Sending a kiss to Kitty's!


I Miss you Kitty


I Miss You .......!


I Miss You ....!


I Miss You ......!



*Nyum Nyum*

Teehee!

My heart keeps beating like a hammer.

Electrify me with this;





If you're still alive
My regrets are few
If my life is mine
What shouldn't I do?
I get wherever I'm going
I get whatever I need
While my blood's still flowing
And my heart still beats...
Help, I'm alive
My heart keeps beating like hammer.
Hard to be soft
Tough to be tender
Come take my pulse, the pace is on a runaway train
Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps
Beating like a hammer...







Even when live, she sounds fucking flawless in this vid. MAJOR love. She reminds me of another favorite female singer in my list-Karen O and Natasha Khan most likely! It's freaking cool to hear her voice in an acoustic setting. Love it :)

Their album is worth every penny, I MUST SAY! But it's okay lahhh since I've my own downloader. Yeah, fuck me.

Since most of my all time favorite band singers are female (not intended pun), I shall fumble another band boy then. Vigorously. Teehee.

I'm using Google Chrome from now on. Pretty cool~ Kasihan, baru nak guna! Cisss.

Speaking of the latest post by Mr Sayang, I was fucking amazed. Yes, you really did electrify me with THAT! I adore you Sayang. Well, another post is really needed. Heh. Please know that I'm glad to hear that; "I like whatever song you'd like." Trust me, METRIC won't let you down! Hah!




Two days more baby!
Only then I can grab my LIFE back!




Loads of Love, K.

20100316

A years went by, A month of hell, A days to looks for.

This will be my first chapter of the post that I will write, will continue tomorrow because the one that's reading this aren't allowed to stay up late.. I forbid her so.. Heh Heh!

I never thought u have done that silly thing, im quite suprised and now im laughing out loud.. Hahaha, well thats the thing when you share a blog, it could always caught you in suprise.. And for that, i must thank you again for being calm of yourself for my un-post notes for you.. Ha ha..

I once remember, im at the same spot as where you are now.. I have been hit much lower to the ground before.. But suprisingly, Yes i am suprised myself; I managed to surpass all of the obstacle, a very hard one, because i believe in myself.. I know things are gettin rough for you and i never heard u cried much more than this days.. Im deeply sorry for what u dealt with.. I wish you to be strong, To keep u attached as u possibly can.. Just 3 more days to go and u have that grand prize for what u have been waiting for un/patiently.. You will have me again, as a whole where u could feel me, touch my face again, holding my hands tightly.. I will be right here waiting for you..

You said million times that u need me kitty, i know how u feel coz i feel the same way too.. But you forgot what i once told you '' when i need you, i just close my eyes and im with you''.. You do remember ryte? Maybe you should remember back the 'breakfast' moment to keep you alive back..

.......................................

To reply what Miss Kitty have wrote yesterday, I must selfishly explain what i feel that very moment i read it, It was too emotional for me to even hold to my ego feelings and as a men, i failed.. Its like a kid loses his candy, the banjir moment where my shirts getting wet weeping all of the H20 from my eyes..

T_T

To makes it even sadder, she was there with me on the phone while im reading it.. If only she was here, then must be her shirts that getting wet by my falling ___ drop... So;

With all my heart;


I MISS YOU SO MUCH TOO KITTY!!!

It have been like (almost) a month now since we didnt meet.. I am too much in missing her till i cant stop thinking about her every second.. Rily!, She drives me crazy in a good way and in every way..

I still remember clearly how the last time we met, it was infront of her house and we were talking about so many things.. It was a great moment, and then we hugged tightly and T_T.. We didnt have much proper goodbye at that time.. Thought it was going to be 2 weeks, But FUCK!, The contract extended itself to a month, Fuck again!.. Wanna know what my first responces hearing it? ''WTF!, i cant deal with this".. I reacted like a kid, getting this moody mood, I thought i must be strong for myself, but yet again i was exploded and always pushing her to come home, and im so sorry for that..

Things got a little lot too rough, we fight and make out, fight and make out.. Im glad her loves for me was too strong to deny me.. I should thank you for that.. Well you know how my magic works right, it always caught u by suprise.. Im loving it when she loves all of my sweet things that I have done for her.. It was all only intended to make you smile.. And ofcoz for you to remember me lah kan..

I knew I just cant live without her, the proof?! My life is 1 hell moment since she went there.. Im a living madness!..I need to her face, if possible, every single second of my life and will never get bored coz when you have this special someone, You just think that to see her are more than enough to make you the luckiest person on earth.. Well honestly, I do need you so much that it drives me so insane not to have you by my side..

Yesterday was too special for me to describe, Its like im resurrected to my oneself back.. I AM ME again, Finally!.. I missed the moment where we talk laughing.. Its been awhile since we talk like yesterday, should've recorded it..

The very best thing about the post, the most heartwinning moment was while im reading the post... scrolling down.. downer.. downer... I read this, "Sayang, if you miss me too, this is for you;" T_T (bush! banjir lagi) haha... Thats was my most favorite quote of this week.. That was magical.. She was too special!.. Alas!, her lovey-dovey mode appears again and giving the love spark to me (and only god knows how lucky I am).. The pix was like a real, its just feel like you're really there infront of me.. Owh, How lah can I handle to control my feelings this upcoming weekend seeing your face..



Kitty, Please be strong there, It makes me sad when you wrote about the Segamat sweet memories, I know tons of sweet memories of us in there.. If only got fingerprints, then you see much of us there still existed.. I missed the moment where we lepak at ceruk, at traffic light, at kedai sweater most of it.. One day, just wait, I'll be there to share those special moment with you once more like the way we had done before.. I must have those special moment with you again!









A years went by, A month of madness, A days to looks for..

Miss Every Moment Of You,




KITTY, I LOVE YOU...







Let it fall.

So I weep
In my weakest moments I
weep

Oh how I love the
way tears fit my cheek

In my darkest moment I cry
Oh how I love the way tears suit in my
face


I like it salt
I like it wet
Like my make up in a mess
So I cry hard
Let it fall
And I won't stop until my tears are all
shed


In my joyous moments I moan
'Cause it feels so good when I let my water
flow

Drip drop and I
cannot stop

I cry for
you

I cry because I
cannot help it

So it
runs, yes it falls

And
ain't no stopping at all



So I let it just fall!

T_T

Mulut Cacat.

Balajar vs Belajar
Cuacana vs Cuaca+suasana
Mator vs Motor
Camel vs Comel
Stocking pong vs Stocking pond
Strady vs Study
Mike vs Muka
Cambung vs Sambung
Dahu vs Dagu
Santek vs Cantik
Campoo vs Shampoo
Lantak vs Lantik
Burse vs Bursa
Lecterer vs Lecturer
Menghalaskan vs Menghalalkan
Biji benih vs Benih
Penelope vs Penelope(pi)
Polishi vs Policy
Economal vs Ecomal
Campar vs Campur
Talong vs Tolong
Hollewen vs Halloween
Fucking babi berlalu vs Babi tgh berlalu
Lulabi vs Lullaby
Presentashok vs Presentation+esok
Merincik vs Terpercik
Biju vs Baju+Biru
Anshwer vs Answer
Total dibakukan in BM vs Total

K fine.


I swear to God that the 'Mulut Cacat' list is much longer than this!
Ha Ha Ha!

20100314

Bulletproof anyone??

When life jostle shit at you, it will never seems to end. To be quite honest, these past few weeks were shitty-hence there was a deficiency in updating. Many things had happened to me recently. And all is just fucking rotten :'(

It astound me to see how superficial jerk people can be. They will simply ridicule at your face when they see you fall down. Not even to give you a slenderer of support(YOU WISH!). So, I must say; "You ain't gonna lemme down, NEVER!"


From the start, I HATE PLASTIC PEOPLE! Holy shit.


We are not gonna let you in, especially when we need you the least. Really, the last thing that we've met were an impostors with a plastering a plastic smiles enjoying lepak with us(!) Why so kiasu? I really do not understand why is it happening. I've had enough all of this rubbish, hence the lack concern is much needed. Ignorance is bliss, I think. For now.

To be frank, that was not really attached me to feel jaded anyway, no worries. REALLY. What vexed me was that;






I'M FUCKING MISS MY MR. SAYANG!!





I trully am fucking rindu him now. It has been like a gazillion years I haven't meet him. Ha, gila shallow!~

I've found myself sorta messy then when I can't even stop thinking of him in every second. He has always said that I was always neglecting him. Hell nooo! I was too busy with my assignment, test and everything even the bestie said that I'm one fucking sombong! The hell?! I can't even blogging, can't even clean-up my inbox on my phone. No jokes. So please think of this as my final desperate attempt to make things right.



-----------------

Speaking of the dazed matter between the boyfriend and I, we've got much of dispute and a little bit squabbles here and there but never anything truly disappoint me. Surely there's nothing that would actually jeopardise our sacred bond. Thus in my head I imagined him dealing things when the trouble rise up. I was too selfish to let him feel what I feel, to just kept him suffering himself with superfluity troubles of mine. I should've be much strong to handle my own problems. But he insisted to hear everything from me, but I refused. Because it's simple; I'm one superficial jerk girlfriend that he might ever had. Boo me.

Too many things that we've missed out, we know. It's almost one fucking month we haven't meet and this is absolutely ridiculous. To make it worse was that; I still have another ONE semester here baby! Fuck. Only God know how detested I am being far away from you, you know that very well don't you?? I think I ain't as a bulletproof as I thought I was. Damnnn. This is just too hard for me to take :'(
I have a fuckload of stories to tell, but it unleash itself here as I'm not in good mood to spill out, I'm just amazed with a mothafucking jaded mode. I desperately craving for his 'magic' now. To be lasted for another 4 days. To come home. And get free. From here. And to have him-of course!
GET STRONG, AZNI! No matter what!


Sayang, if you miss me too, this is for you;



Having a Rocky as a breakfast.

Strawberry & Choc'

I LIKE.


I missed for having a ride with you here. Remember when the time we've a little fight, and I followed you in your wanderings and straightened everything out. FYI, at every time I went for outing, when I've passed by the kedai sweater and of course kedai ceruk, it certainly reminds me of you. I really wanna go but my heart telling me that I can't. I will go there only when I'm with you. So please, come here. Segamat really miss you too lahhh. I'm dead serious. I can't stop thinking of you and our sweet memories here. And of course I was the one that only suffered by that! Ha! Please know that; You're the best thing I never knew I needed. Cheh.

386 amazing days with you.
Another milestone baby but who bloody cares anyway?! I fucking love you regardless :)


To Mr Sayang: Why the hell lah you've posted THAT lyric? I hate it. GRRR. At least tell me what it's all about lah!



(Still not feeling any better!)

20100313

A little faster.

You keep calling it a crash and burn
Just Wait your turn
You might have time to speak
There barely was a lesson learned
Cause it will return no favors back to me

I'm sure it tasted oh so sweet
But it was never good enough for me
I bit the tongue behind my teeth
It was never good enough for me

You say you always keep your word
Show me what you're after
I thought you promise me the world
Tell me what you're after
Go on and take it way too far
Cause here we are waiting once again
You say you always keep your word
Show me what you're after
Just a little faster

Are mine the only eyes that see so steadily
This cut and dry routine
Even when you're by my side
I still need time to feel the company

I'm sure it tasted oh so sweet
But it was never good enough for me
I bit the tongue behind my teeth
It was never good enough for me

You say you always keep your word
Show me what you're after
I thought you promise me the world
Tell me what you're after
Go on and take it way too far
Cause here we are waiting once again
You say you always keep your word
Show me what you're after
Just a little faster
just a little faster

Hold your breath now
The bad bloods wearing thin
From the pain that settles in
When we learn too much too soon

20100312

TAHI.



0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9


TWO is better than any one of it!


HA!

20100305

No one can saves us, but ourselves.

Had eventually done my HR's test. And I've been karaoke-ing like fuck straight after that-the new cure! I don't give a damn with regards of my voice anyway, I actually hope my voice yang dah serupa macam katak ni will successfully makes it rain. Fuckyeah, if my voice can do a magic, I will become popular at Segamat then. Heh.

Merepek.

Well, I can't stand the heat anymore, my skin getting hideous now. With pimple-schmimple had appeared here and there. The bad temperature made us mad. Haiz~

Classes are slowly taking over my life again. I wonder when the hell lah all of these shite will be ended. Fuck the buruh kasar nepal act. Merepek lagi. Well, it's true that was not even a words. I'll lose my weight thennnn. Humph.


Tomorrow-really wanted to play sandy 'bitch' at PD. Hope things will be just fine, not sombre. Hope I won't get bored with stupid arse activities or whatever that may piss me off. (Hope we'll have the blast one) Wish the boyfriend comes along. In my dreams lahhh. Fuckit.

I hope I deserved the weekends after all much chaos happened. Really need a vacations now. (even though this is may not so vacay to be exact-work purpose, we're just hit there for merely 2 days & 1 night)

And to make it sucks; I have 2 tests on next week and have the bloody BTN.

To make it more suck, I'm just fucking miss him already!

-----------------------------

What's a girl to do?

Here;






video



MAJOR love! Natasha Khan, that ace bitch.

To Mr Sayang, this song is exactly doesn't mean anything for us okay? I'm just lovin' it. Have to find another sweet song for you, for squeezing your meroyan mode and also my lovey-dovey mode. Hihi. Miss my 'magic' still? How about yours?

Flawless :)

GRRR. Can't blog much. I have to wake up at 5 freaking a.m. Thank you!

Loads of miss, K.

20100302

Knock Knock Knock!

I should wrote this into the previous post but heck I don't have much time last night, I wanted to sleep earlier but I can't as Mr Sayang has started a mellow conversation. Cissss! So, today is gonna be my lazyarse day as I've skipped my Enterpreneurship's class without doubt. I hope the lecturer not reading this. Sheeshhh.

Fuck rotten luck and bloody horrendous tackles!

MAJOR sighhh.

In FIN 344 and HR class pula, I was totally fucked up cause I'm one firm sleepyhead. I've got a panda eyes. I can't keep up with the lectures. What I did in HR class was that; played games in Shila's phone. Thank God Mdm Sasai ain't strict like 'others'. Heh. If I still sticking into this everyday I might get a C bummer on finals. Damnnnn. Must have enough slumber then.

I should be less of a whiny bitch, with regards to tests and an emotional overdrive. What irked me today was that, I can't come home on next week since the fucking BTN was changed on 13rd of March and I've got test on the day before that. Although I have another test in two weeks more I still wanna come home nevertheless! Dear God, please lemme get free on that day. Well, this is gonna be hard for us. I am soooo sad now. Am just hoping my dreams will come true. ~PLEASE~

FINGER CROSSED.



Talking about Mr Sayang's post, I really adore it!

Never thought he'd willingly outdid himself for that sweetness! For sure I'd like it, everything that you do is just fucking sweeeettttt! What an angelic post. You'd save my life for making me smile back, for making me fell into meroyan mode again, for making me (ALMOST!) shed a tears. Heh. Really really do appreciate it. I know you're what I want and I believed this is what I religiously want in my whole life; your sweet love. And for that, I will everlastingly love you! And faith is our anchor.

You're the killer
You're the lover
You'd be the anchor.
I know :)

First and foremost;
How come after all this time he had eventually love that 'crazyass' song goddamnit!! The meroyan mode has finally haunted him pula, setelah setahun bercinta. Apa ni?! That song once had made me crazy in love, every time we fought or even when I'd miss him I will hear it and cried all night long till I fall asleep. Please know that I have never ever feel like such extent, I really never ever feel better in love like this. Really! Plus, I never had my meroyan mode with anyone else before (do not be sceptical now as I really mean what I said).

Tolong baca my sad hopeless fictional story pula ya;

When I hear that lovely song, I don't understand much about the lyric and what the video is all about. Sigh. But apa yang kita rasa waktu itu macam nak petik bunga pastu koyakkan kelompak dia satu-satu and said repeatedly,"He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me and bla bla bla..." sampai kelompak itu habis dipetik. Kita tersenyum lebar sebab kita dapat "He loves me!!"


Muahaha!-cue evil laugh.


(Tolong sambung baca I don't care!)


Kita tergolek-golek keriangan kat katil and bestie tiba-tiba kata kita dah serupa macam orang gila, orang gila pun tak macam ni. Okay, gila potong! Then kita tak pedulikan kawan kita sebab kita riang sangat, biarlah orang kata kita gila janji kita sukaaaa! Bestie kata lagi die suruh kita terai(try) je! Mana tahu si dia pun suka kita. Tapi kita taknak terai sebab kita sumatsu~(means pemalu!) Akhirnya si dia minta couple juga! Ga Ga Ga!

Okay itu ja, thanks!


-.-"


That showed how insane I was!


First and last;
Mr Sayang, Nurul Aznah Sazlin and Azni Shaharon, I can't even fucking depict just how much I fucking miss you guys. Fuck this is getting ridiculous. We really need to squeeze in a lepak session SOON.

Hope can :(



Loads of love, K.

20100301

Emotional Overdrive.

Did my evaporating act for a gazillion times now. The spider webby had been messing up with my bloggie, I deserved that. Kudos to Mr Sayang for keeping a tab. Pretty hectic with the classes, test, quizzes, assignment and everything, oh only God knows what I feel now. While I dislike this hectic routines, nevertheless I felt another triple sadness that was WAY dreadful. I so can't wait for the holidays, ohh please~

I know, trouble is a friend, but who the hell wanna make friends with this kind of trouble anyways? No one isn't it? I may say, everything happen must have a reason but this?! I know, that kind of trouble had happened just for having a cure for tedium purposed(?) For some people who has no brain, they will exactly say YES! Is that even a word??

For that I should say; Nobody is perfect!

To be quite honest, I started doing this post on yesterday-28th of February (My mom's 50th Birthday!) at approximately 2 a.m, but I hadn't the willpower to successfully finish it. Now that I'm somewhat sober enough to think wisely, the heart-break dramas was my fault too. As the besties has pointed out that; "Don't be stupid, don't let people who has no brain spread the malicious gossips and bad rumors about you!"

And for that I have to win back the dignity of mine.

Everyone has a brain. Really?? But some of them, they don't. In a decent words; they're just an
idiot.To make the matter spooky; they actually have a brain (OF COURSE!) but they don't really know how to use it. Kesian kan?

When I think back, we should've not stayed together. Or I should have dumped her from the start, ever since I knew that I supposedly should not listed her as a trustable ally. Fuck me. When I know her deeply day to day, do everything together like a belangkas; that was a BIG mistake! Well I don't really mind of being one of the victim of this malicious gossips thingamajig. I just know that 'what comes around goes around'. So I'd let it be if the matter doesn't screw me up. Period.

Well, after much of think now and then, I have to publish this fucking babbling after all much heart-to-heart session. And because of that too I have to kept this post in a draft as the complication still not revamped at first. Plus, I don't wanna mess up my precious bloggie with a mere matter. I'm not a kiddo anyway to simply talk crap here and there, to just kutuk itu ini. I must admit that was my mistake too. If I really being able to ignored all of an evil thoughts in my head, the matter can be fixed easily or just fade away. I truly am sorry for everything, if I did do hurt you guys, I'm deeply sorry.

Since nobody is perfect has recruited, no one has use an effective method, so did I. Yeah, boo me for that. To be frank, I really have lost control, I've been out of my mind. I supposedly do not have to desperately win back my precious dignity instead of being able to just chilling and pretending (Like I used to!) that I'm cool all the way. Fail! I've meet the failure to give a reassurance that I am okay. So the kurang siuman act had exploded just like that. But I've tried as fuck as I can to not cruelly performing outcry and vociferation. But people, please do not use high tone or any foul languange to confront me, okay? This is a warning, really, I'm not good with my demeanour lately. Annoyed much?

I wept a 'lil bit as I feeling so. Cause I've been knowing her for about 2 years so this kind of drama I shouldn't bury. I wanna keep it as I wanna remained as a matured person. Heh. Things happened for a 'reason' after all. Again, I'm sorry.


For the boyfriend;

I truly am sorry for not telling you about this earlier. I was so stupid to be a so-called strong. But I had failed at that point from the start. Ughhh. Fail again. I don't really mean to hide anything from you, to act like a moron, I really really have lost control that time, but I still enable to ensure you that I'm all fine on the other day-the night that was terribly dismayed my heart. But we'd still managed to have one beautiful conversation, I think. I love you, thank you for being as an 'arsehole'. Hihi.


I'm fucking miss you already :'(


Oh well, as I've said before, the fight (With the boyfriend) is most likely preferable (Since we love to!) but in a small dose is much needed. Thank you. I shall take up any counselling course or having some therapeutic session for control my anger-I'm suck to that extent so don't set off.



This is may devoted for you, me and for us;


"FOOL ME ONCE,

SHAME ON YOU.

FOOL ME TWICE,

SHAME ON ME.



Remember!

(The boyfriend once had said this to me, I won't forget lah Sayang oiiii!)

I should sleep now, but why am i blogging??

I know i should be sleeping ryte now.. I gotta woke up early diz morn, plus i know she's gonna be so mad knowing dat i make diz bloggie in the midle of the night.. Serve me right.. Cant explain much of how im feeling now, but this may help.........



We fighting this war
Baby when both of us are losing.
(this ain't the way that love is supposed to go.)
(Wat happened to workin it out)
We've fall into this place
Where you ain't backin down
And I ain't backin down
So wat the hell do we do now...


after watchin this vids now, terus termenung....

dan termenung..

Why?

This vids kinda slapped me in the face, wake up shahir!! This vids kinda try telling us that what happen if one of us died while we are arguing and not have a chance to make things right that time? Plus its rily not a good idea to brought forward the fight to the next day..I know I wont forgive myself if u got killed while we're fightin ok..From now, i hope we make a new resolution that whatever happens, we must fix things right ok.. NO MATTER WHAT..

(I wonder if one day im the one who ended up got ran over a car and died, wonder what kitty would be? Glup, plzz god, NO.. I still got more years to go to.. Plus who's gonna take care of kitty, she cant live on her own.. I wanna live where im beruban and see my grandchildren grow.. Amin)


I remember, diz songs.. the first song that she dedicate to me.. why lah put our first song a fight song.. Weird sumhow sweet? hehe.. Plus, she make a ringtone of it special for me.. The ringtone that make her meroyan, I should be crown a medal for this.. haha.. nyway, im touched by her fighting spirit of never giving up on me before.. No way hozai we're gonna fight b4 we sleep, the words breakup is like a taboo for us before.. We respected each other damn much till noone could confront us.. we all cantas them like zasst!!

"Love is about respect, if u cant respect each other then dont love at all.."

Respect is what most the key to love.. Even when we're in difficult situation, when we respect each other, eventually the situation will be good back.. We have to honor our partner, and he'll repay u back with much respect and love.. Its a give and take which could never be seen, but it can be felt..

Im so proud of the way we handled with each other.. We thrive to make us happy.. No matter how much tears fall, how much pain we endure, all that we think at that time is me to make u the happiest girl on earth and u non-stop make me the happiest men alive(which u are till this very moment)..

I know, i should stop now, juz another paragraph.... plzzzzz..

Sudden addicted with the bloggie.. I dont know why, but You, Yes YOU make this.. hehe.. You make my feelings higher than the sky.. Im not afraid to share my feelings to the world, it just seem very worth it now coz i really be having a great time right now.. and to all those singles, dont be jealous.. Your time will come one day.. haha..

And to Kitty, do dream of me now ok.. otherwise i kill u.. haha.. I miss u too much till im going out of my mind now.. Dahlah pindah dekat dengan rumah kitty, make me missing u even more.. Im going to meet my future parent!! weepee!!

With deepest love a men could ever give to a women,
Shahir Sahar