20100520

I'm no good, I know.

Tonight is a total bust, I must say.

I have spent the last 3 hours in a bed of trying to sleep. Fuck still, I couldn't ignore what is bugging me and I really NEED sleep, dickhead. I do absolutely not like the feeling of urging myself to sleep, bloody hell. I usually zonk out and sleep at 5 in the morning. But this. . .is fuck.

I have a problems with myself and I have no fucking idea what to do about it. I have a feelings of how jerk I was. All I can think of right now is how right I have been and I have to admit it's not supposed to be like that.

"You're the angel, whereas I'm the demon".

Yeah I know that from the start.

I am still trying to change. By god, I am. I've tried to suck it in and be stronger. To always remember myself to wears the bulletproof vest on and to always wears a smile. To always channelise myself from the negative to positive thoughts. But not tonight. I still failed. Fuck me. But come to think of it; "You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly."-Sam Keen.

And from now on, you can see the difference of me, I swear it on my own's name. If I can't, you'll never see me again.

I don't know what I want now. But there's only one thing I want. It's you! I want US to be like the first time we met. To just have a stupid conversation without dispute then laugh for the childish stunt that you had strike and everything we've done together is sweet indeed, to just don't give a damn what people gonna say. Oh how I missed that moment.

And I do not know how to start the right track on back. Despite the fact that we may have to start it all slowly, I'm pretty sure that we will find a way, I think. Everyone needs his/her own time, right? So do I. I shall giving it up to you then.

Call me setan, so that I could spank you, HARD!






Worse still, am not sleepy AT ALL.
:(