20100831

Happy Merdeka! (not)

The happy memories of our childhood receded as we grew older. Or in my case, I have forgotten that we just hit 53rd Merdeka Day. Or is it just me or is 'the spirit of merdeka' itself is ebbing away?

I can't even see any flag which is called Jalur Gemilang along the roads or even on buildings. Not even gay songs on air. Our present PM should do what Dr M did. AT LEAST bring it back our glory memories that we usually had in Merdeka Day.

Each house was flagged for that happy day which everyone MUST have. Plus, no wonderful yet excessively cheesy Malay movies about our independence day. Or if the Ramadhan month is the only reason we cannot have a bombastic celebration, that might be a mistake. Oh come on, this is no fun!

To make the matter worse, I've celebrated Merdeka all over Segamat.
Great.

The point is what actually Segamat have, tell me?
Dataran? Have! But have rempits all over the place, no fun.
Karaoke? Other rempit will totally assail, so no more room for poor soul like us.
Then what is actually should we do other than that?
Sheeshhhh!

Wasting my time, I should've done with my notes!

I miss everything so bad.
And there's so much I want to do which of course does not have anything to do with my academics!
Being so young and free, who doesn't want?
But at least I try to merdeka myself and I do.
Ada ke? Whatever.

I miss the boyfie!
Damnnnn :(




Killer bond is scheduled tomorrow.
How on earth am I gonna find the strength to just sit my ass down and actually get into studying mode??

20100828

An intense weekend.

I have to admit these past few weeks were rough. (hence the lack of updating)
SCRATCH THAT!
Thank god I still have them;



Really, thanks for putting up with all my bloody moody emo crap and an extremist ranting against stupid drivers when you guys could've had a blast with just the two of you.
I owe you one!

Had a splendid time with the darlings; Eka & Tora! Too bad, Fiza did not join us for breaking fast, she did disappearing act. Her mobile phone is sick, poor she is. Albeit that was an unplanned plans, we still can blast it off. Hurrah! I'm glad to see Tora, haven't seen her in ages! (Cue warm fuzzy feeling) Thank you for belanja-ing us Burger King and karaoke! Never thought that she could sing, better than me, of course. Sheesh!

My fav quote;
"Why people drive so kiasu? Babi~"
Another stupid driver stealin' my way: "Hah, ini lagi seekor babi!"
And Tora shocked! She thought that there were really have a babi showed up in front!
So funny eh?

I made 'em laughing out loud even I don't think it's funny.
Heh.

I now think that I deserved a good times with them and loverboy!
We (finally) mended everything.
I love you!

We have a 'lil shopping for raya :)
I can't wait to wear my new baju kurung!
Two is more than enough, coz I'm not really a baju kurung lovers, sheesh!
I buy a yellow one which is matched with him.
Another one is grey color which the most fancy baju kurung I ever had!
Has a beading or something, and it fits perfectly on my bod.
Like like like!

(p/s: I give him credit for giving additional dosh. Thank you syg!)

Never thought sneaked in to the Digi's HQ will be caused some trouble for you.
Will never ever come to that place!
Shite.
(I hope Digi's staff not reading this!)

That night we went to Police Station.
Made a report on the tukang potong rumput crashed the Baby B's windscreen, how dare you!
Thank god he agreed to pay the reparation, or else!
At the risk of sounding a total kiddie, I felt so happy lepaking there.

Yeah, we made it!
*Smack in the face*

Look at my happy face!
Ha ha.


I think, am definitely not regret going back this weekend.
Thank god.

When it all fails, you never do!



Am truly sad, intensely feel so bad now.
I went to Norlin's house hoping that I could meet her, but her mom said she's already heading to Russia. This is bad. We haven't meet for ALMOST 3 fucking years! (Ignore the promise no cursing/swearing off) This shit has to be said. I regret for not telling her that I'll be back this weekend. Totally regret :'(

Just hope we could meet in the next year pula!

The Pretty Reckless.

Most of the world knows Taylor Momsen as an anguished, heavy eyeliner-wearing character Jenny Humphrey on The Gossip Girl. But in the last year, she actually considers herself a musician before an actress. Since the show is on hiatus, she's now focusing on the band.

"I've been writing since I was about five years old. I'm a singer-songwriter who picked up the guitar and started playing. It was just me, and I wanted to form a band. I had bunch of demos and songs that I'd written. I've been making a music since I can remember. I've been singing since I could speak. My influences were people like The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Soundgarden and Oasis. It goes on and on. It comes from originality. I've known them (the band's members) for a while. I was working with Kato and Ben (the producers) before the band started. Jamie Perkins [drummer] and Mark Damon [bassist] I feel like I've known forever. We finally just finished the record and have been touring and it very much fit"
Taylor Momsen.

And I say, she's awesomely rocks! Buy it, listen to it before you hate it. It's a very different record than anything that's out on the market.





Awhh, I love her hairdo! And and her amazing voice! Though she still can't perform at the best in a whole new level but still, her voice made me speechless! The best songs of the band; Zombie & Make Me Wanna Die.

Spot on!

I think she's waaay good in singing than acting!



20100827

Words Unsaid.

I am beyond frustrated. But I guess it was my fault. I slowly came to the realization that I've been treated you strangely.

Please don't misunderstood. I may not be sentimental, but I'm not completely without emotion, and there are moments when I'm struck by a deep sense of wonder. I'm at loss to tell you what it is that I feel my life is missing. I've been selfish and stubborn and as ignorant as a goldfish, and it pains me to realize this about myself.

Of course, all relationships/marriages go through ups and downs, and I believe this is natural consequences of couples that choose to stay together over the long haul and the long distance, I might add.

Help me.

Because I can't seem to understand how some women manage to do this.

How exactly do you balance your career/studying, friends and your personal life? When you abruptly come to realize you can't have it all, how do you decide which is more important? When do you finally sort out which one is the right choice? Because really I always pray to god that I would not wake up one day and find myself wondering how did I get things so wrong :(

But am I doing the right ways in sacrificing him? Even though I can easily point my finger to him and say that he is supposed to be supportive and understand what I really am going through, but I know I can't really do that, for the sake of our relationship. I am trying to say a thing that I really wanna say. But words unsaid.

I read the previous letter that you gave me, before I go to the test. I wept. Two weeks without you can cause some mental disorder, seriously. And only god knows how bad I felt. But words left unsaid.

I've been crying a lot these days. I think the bulletproof mode is already off. And I don't know why is this shit happening to me. I think the world hates my guts. I can't be tad sad now can I?

But now I truly understand why relationships don't last. It's not because people in baffled relationships are lesser beings, it's just the way we are. We drift apart, design new goals or worse, get tired of each other.

It's like a cycle.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I went through it too. Been there, done that. (minus the getting tired of him part, but if I did, I'd blame the PMS or shit like that)

It doesn't matter I still want him in my life, but when it comes down to it, I will have to be fair to him. Because it's simple, nobody can have it all. It's my turn to bite the bullet and will show you how.

In fact, I am not going to pick up any calls from the strangers nor meet up some people that I must avoid from (I'm a bit regret of telling this to you the other day). I hope that was not a major hassle that we are dealing with now. I have a faith in you, I really hope you are too. And don't you even trying to induce me in remaining silence. When I'm in silent mode it doesn't mean that I don't give a rat's ass about it, I was just jaded. Of what happened. Not us. Because I think you really have a faith in us and think of the dispute(s) doesn't mean anything at all. At least I try to and I do.

Oh FYI, a good songs are really made my day. Do not pretend that you don't know me very well don't you? Because really(!) when I listen to a feel good song, it reminds me of you. Period.





I just need a good day off. But I know I'll be surely tad sad when you have to go for work. Who will layan me when I psyched out over things? I so want your comforting hugs :'(





I hope that we manage to fix this so-called fib between us because I don't think I can handle the additional stress.
So please think of this as my desperate attempt to make things right.
Am praying (HARD!) that the day gets better.
Dugaan sunnguh hari Jumaat yg holy ini ye!
"(-.-)"

20100824

Leisure time will be over!

Ika Nadia aka Emak Angsa got her own bloggie, finally.
Well, good job darling~
I think she's just wanna kills the time of loneliness.
Plus, Segamat is a total hohum!

And now, I have to guide her and find a new templates as well.
As it thank you very much!

Had squeezed in berbuka puasa session in dreaded ways.
We've been spent too much on foods today.
(3 times of walking around in bazaar!)
Good news, there are no wasting foods, at all.
Thank god I've spent on a fine cuisine, no regrets :)
Pure yum.

Nasi Rawan,
Cucur Udang,
Tauhu Bakar,
Sum-sum whatever,
Coconut Jelly,
Drinks.

RM12 fly away T_T

***

Classes are hectic as they can be.
I.Hate.Morning.Class!

We've got a new assignment for company analysis, but we still didn't know how to manage our schedule, since we decided to get our ass off from Segamat. Ergo, no groupie discussion. How the f**k can we finish the task without it? No brainstorming and all. Sigh~

(p/s: The boyfriend should help me on this!)
*shudder*

***

-JINXED-
I have test on Thursday.
Another test?! Bloody hell.
Oh not forget to mention, I wasn't designed to do all my best for the Option test. Adoi~
Talk about having the spirit of laziness.
I spent my free time with the stupid games that I have just got the other day.
F**k me.

I now think I must refrain from any silly addiction.
MUST!

I am praying (HARD!) that all the long nights of studying pays off. (I will)
My leisure time will be over,
Or else!


20100822

Good Morning and Good Night.

Another music review today.
Albeit been busy with company analysis, I still can make time for this, whenever.
Or maybe I can't stand to live at Segamat. Hohum~

For that matter, you'll be stupid if you don't hear this :)

FANFARLO


Fanfarlo is a group from London formed by a collection of musician put together by Simon Balthazar. They are pleasureful mix of pop-infused folk-rock. So yeah, since I much needed feel good song lately, this is most welcomed.

And oh I love the girl.
No reason.


I HEART;

If It's Growing
Harold T. Wilkins, Or How To Wait For A Very Long Time
Luna
The Walls Are Coming Down
Ghosts
Finish Line
Good Morning Midnight
Comets
Drowning Men
Fire Escape
I'm A Pilot
Sands & Ice

I think I like all of their songs!
It's cheery!
Ease your feet up and let Fanfarlo take some of the burden for you~
It's now time to let the talent do the talking.

9/10






Today is our 1 year and a halfniversary!
Too bad, I can't go home and get a hugs for that :(
I still can be happy when the assignment is done!
But I have to study for a test tomorrow.
Malas gila!

Sayang, I love you, my love for you is much stronger day to day.
(Ha ha! Mellow!)

20100820

Let's get lost.

Have been overdosed with a good songs, finally. A good songs with a good doses is always welcomed.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse Soundtrack

Four-and-a-half stars over five(!)

As we know, the whole Twilight phenomenon is a bit baffling/knotty.

Oh well it's easy to dislike the books and their movie versions, regarding the media circus that has been surrounding them for the past few years. Esp. to the hot couple; Rob&Kristen. But on the other hand, there's no way in hell you can neglect the music associated with the films, which is USUALLY pretty darn amazing, for me.

With each new chapter, the soundtracks took on a new form, adopted new bands, followed new trends and of course, featured a new Muse song. I like.

The first move gave us Paramore (okay, fine) and the likes of (egad!) Linkin Park yada yada. New Moon conjured Death Cab For Cutie (my all time fav!), Band of Skulls, St. Vincent and the almighty Thom Yorke. But it's the Eclipse soundtrack that trumps them all and goes for broke, and many factors came into play for the latest musical companion in the Twilight saga. And that is EPIC!

Enter Muse with Neutron Star Collision (Love is forever), which makes for a good sequel to New Moon's I Belong to You. Bombastic goodness. It's not featured on their most recent album The Resistance and carries a much stronger beat than most of their songs but keeping with the theatrical tone of their newest album.

While Sia's My Love is a beautiful piano driven ballad with an intoxicating voice to match! She sings her heart out on the disarming, string laden My Love while British indie Fanfarlo offer a bit of romantic levity on the folky Atlas. I love 'em.

The centerpiece, of course, is the title track Eclipse (All Yours) performed by my favorite indie rockers Metric. As a nifty, urgent rock theme song with a faint chorus, it works, and it sets the tone for what's come; a whole lot of romantic goo, indie noisy style. (And is it just me, or do I hear the sound of wipers in the background?) Whatever.

And I remember one of those endless 'running through the forest' sequence in the first two Twilight films. Oh well The Bravery's pulsating; new wave pop-f**king-rock nugget Ours will simply fit one of those as will Beck and Bat for Lashes feature a kick ass duet; Let's Get Lost, depending on the mood needed for said running.

The Black Keys and The Dead Weather provide some bite and a good dose of ominous crunch with Chop and Change and Rolling on a Burning Tire, and Florence + The Machine delivers what could be the highlight of the whole thing, the desperate Heavy in Your Arms! Florence is my hero, period.

And I absolutely love the Vampire Weekend's Jonathan Low. Who wouldn't be heh? Surprisingly, most of the songs that I like are my all time favorite musicians/bands. So there~



As a matter of fact, I might NOT like the films, but I'll be stupid if I don't like their soundtracks!

20100817

Rotten Luck!

The month of Ramadan is seemingly not being kind to me.
NOTHING is going my way!
*Sigh*

1. Had done with two tests with empty headed, I think my brain still not ready to actually put 100% effort on it. Yeah, time flies SO fast! Coz I think I've just started my studying here. And I must admit, this semester I was so f**king pemalas. Malas gila! But why the heck lah is the questions are so f**king tough, tougher than the finals damnit?! Should be more rajin for another two tests on next week!

2 I've just got a bad bad news, bad indeed. The point is, I will never ever trust people, anymore. I must admit, trusting people too easily is the one of my failure. But why oh why is that happening? I don't understand why. I was f**king speechless when I know all the truth is. Last year's drama is still haunting me, I don't need another. Time shall tell.

3. It's been raining endlessly these past few days. I detest heavy downpour, I need a hug. But I know even that is too much to ask for. Thank Lord I have sleepy bear around to make me feel warm inside :)

4. I've just got an ASBOL (Asal boleh) Cornetto sundae! Got no choc syrup for topping, oh f**k! Got no smooth vanilla ice cream, it's frigging rough, not moist at all like I usually had, double f**ks! Talk about rotten luck!



Ha ha! Drama!

20100814

My magic doodle!

We had proper conversation (tho' in retarded ways) and patched things up last night. Even though he seemed so vexing, I'd still enjoy every moment!

So here's the revenge;

HAHA!

I love you syg...
Your previous entry is so fucking sweet, totally love it!
Thank you~

20100813

I Want My doctor!

Lately I have been wandering myself at the same question over and over again, "What is going on with me?". I felt a bit depressed, unstable, emotions at its best. Trust me, I tried to overcomes it, but the more I tried, weirdly, the more I listen at this devilish whisper, "You can't beats me". Ever since I had those dreams, I started to act strangely. I became a monster with a new version of my own. I started to hate everything arounds me, I accuse too much till I drained you terribly till caused us such tragic. Its not that don't I trust you, But there's a thing in of what I becoming have changed me to such a disasterpiece, Started to blame everyone, pointing fingers without really thinking deep of who's fault is. Selfish, you can say that on me. I regret being in this way, totally sad just thinking about it. But this is my fight, My own greatest rival which I have to overcome and that is inside myself. I need to fight of what this inside me that been whispering a lot lately and strongly confused me with such nonsense thoughts. Which Im stupidly trusting it without a reason.


Call me paranoid, call me insane, call me whatever you like. Im me and nobody's know more about this retarded guy rather than myself.


But wait, How am I suppose to do it. I get crazier each days went by, and I do not know anything of what's been striking me.

One things makes everything in common is you. You have been without doubt the most patience between us. Tho' I accused you a lot, you simply get yourself up again and just smile like nothing have happens. This makes me a lot sadder, how am I the one that supposed to cheer you up, suddenly becoming the one that triggers the fire. I never intended that, believe me. Im sorry I put you in such conditions, Im sorry for acting harsh on you. Thanks to god for creating this word called 'chance'. Which you have been giving me a lot of this lately. Thank you for giving me again and again chances.

I adore your love, its perfectly completely the greatest one. Its beyond of what I expected it to be. And to be real honest, I don't know what Im gonna do if I don't have you. I often wonders myself, If I keep on making fault and triggering you, wonder if you'll be finally twist and turn from me.

Oh yeah, before i forget, for the last couple of days I've been thinking about this word 'Perfect'. I don't know whats drives me for it, but this have kept me well focused on what's Im being doing. I intended you and me to be perfect for each other. And this is one of my goals from the days onward. Something have kept calling us that we are ready to reach for another level, a greater one. I know its gonna be real hard, but to make it in a logical sense, we have totally raised a level to level at a time for this past years of together and without we even realizing it. I strongly believe this perfect that I have in mind would be a dreams come true. Coz believe me, once we get there, nothings could ever stop us. I hope you could make my dreams of 'persuit of happyness'.


  • I hope this straightens us back,


  • I wish you have this strong feeling inside you to forgive for my wrongdoings.


  • Would you please give me your 'magic' back? I desperately needing it.


p/s: am I in lovey dovey mode? I don't know, but will I be? Yeah! Excitingly anxious for this lovely week that im gonna share with you. Looking forward for a blast. Muahx!


20100812

Can't stop rambling lah.

I'm at place in my life where I've stopped giving a shit about a million things at once. Or at least I try to. I now realise I don't feel with the same vividness anymore. I have no idea when did this happen, but it happened.

I can't help but think and convince myself that this as a positive change. Of course, it's tad sad that I've somehow lost the capability to be irritatingly emo or shit like that because I'd hate to admit I've turned into one of those people who is often desensitized or indifference/apathetic, but hey on the bright side, it's easier to ignore a whole lotta bullshit now. It's fucking onerous to always be such a bloody sensitive mush anyway.

That, and I don't think I can write anymore.
(Unless you choose to take into account the horseshit in this stupid blog, which doesn't even deserve to be called writing. It's just me, doing a lot of annoying whining.)
Plus, I need another feel good songs to boot.
I think I've been much overdosed of silly songs.
Yuck.

It's almost 3 a.m. and I still can't f**king sleep.
God help me.



I really REALLY can't wait anymore.

Sands of time.

I can't wait for this to be over;

1. Graduate

2. Have my own car and house

3. Travelling with him

4. Have a big big family with him

5. Go to Mecca with him

6. Dying at our favorite place

7. Make it above-mentioned to be real

*crosses fingers*


But now, the thing that I really can't wait is, I can't wait to get myself back, my life and love.

Counting the minutes...

The seconds.



p/s: One day down, 30 days to go! Gambatte~


20100811

Newsflash;

Hauling my strapped ass around town ain't fun.
I can't go anywhere with moth's flying in my wallet.
And it's darned good thing that the fasting month is coming.
As if I tend to splurge too much on food that I can't even finish.
The hazard of shopping on a empty stomach indeed.
"(-.-)"

No money = No overspending + No wasting food!
The hell?
No way, I must find my own way!
Heh.

At least I can binge Biggy Mac + sundae + GCB!
F**k, so hungry now!

Oh how I wish I won't miss that fast at all.
Saya nak puasa penuh tahun ini! (tho' I've never did, one can wish right?)

Oh not forget to mention;
Shila, Ika and I had successfully done our first terawikh!
Never think it has caused such a pandemonium.
Whatever, one can change right?
But at least we haven't burden others to give us a ride to that self**kingfish.
No matter, I'd prefer to jalan kaki tengah gelap against stupid angsa and all rather than menyusahkan org! Cis~

Again, whatever.

***

I've already made a deal with the boyfie.
For the fasting month purpose.
When it's due, he says he will get me a present for that.
Wonder what's the big deal?
But I still want it!
As long as I'm not cursing/swearing/damning, I'll win this nevertheless.
Do not underestimate me.
Heh.

But, it's seems sooo hard lah :(

***

Things are looking up!
We had eventually mended everything.
When it's good, it's euphoric :D
I love to hear your laughter,
I adore you, monster.
I hope this lasts.
Crosses fingers!
And I can't wait to have our first breaking fast this year together.
I'm in lovey-dovey mode again.




Urgh, I'm not good with words these days.
Plus, the internet connection was sooo f**king slow!
Haiz~

(Do not curse, remember? Sheesh.
But can I spell one by one syg? Like F-U-C-K?
Cannot ar?)

Whatever...




20100804

-

I
HATE
IT
WHEN
YOU
BEING
STRONG
TO
ME
-This is what Mr Sayang said to me awhile back. I found it oh so sweet and lovely! :)