Lately I have been wandering myself at the same question over and over again, "What is going on with me?". I felt a bit depressed, unstable, emotions at its best. Trust me, I tried to overcomes it, but the more I tried, weirdly, the more I listen at this devilish whisper, "You can't beats me". Ever since I had those dreams, I started to act strangely. I became a monster with a new version of my own. I started to hate everything arounds me, I accuse too much till I drained you terribly till caused us such tragic. Its not that don't I trust you, But there's a thing in of what I becoming have changed me to such a disasterpiece, Started to blame everyone, pointing fingers without really thinking deep of who's fault is. Selfish, you can say that on me. I regret being in this way, totally sad just thinking about it. But this is my fight, My own greatest rival which I have to overcome and that is inside myself. I need to fight of what this inside me that been whispering a lot lately and strongly confused me with such nonsense thoughts. Which Im stupidly trusting it without a reason.
Call me paranoid, call me insane, call me whatever you like. Im me and nobody's know more about this retarded guy rather than myself.
But wait, How am I suppose to do it. I get crazier each days went by, and I do not know anything of what's been striking me.
One things makes everything in common is you. You have been without doubt the most patience between us. Tho' I accused you a lot, you simply get yourself up again and just smile like nothing have happens. This makes me a lot sadder, how am I the one that supposed to cheer you up, suddenly becoming the one that triggers the fire. I never intended that, believe me. Im sorry I put you in such conditions, Im sorry for acting harsh on you. Thanks to god for creating this word called 'chance'. Which you have been giving me a lot of this lately. Thank you for giving me again and again chances.
I adore your love, its perfectly completely the greatest one. Its beyond of what I expected it to be. And to be real honest, I don't know what Im gonna do if I don't have you. I often wonders myself, If I keep on making fault and triggering you, wonder if you'll be finally twist and turn from me.
Oh yeah, before i forget, for the last couple of days I've been thinking about this word 'Perfect'. I don't know whats drives me for it, but this have kept me well focused on what's Im being doing. I intended you and me to be perfect for each other. And this is one of my goals from the days onward. Something have kept calling us that we are ready to reach for another level, a greater one. I know its gonna be real hard, but to make it in a logical sense, we have totally raised a level to level at a time for this past years of together and without we even realizing it. I strongly believe this perfect that I have in mind would be a dreams come true. Coz believe me, once we get there, nothings could ever stop us. I hope you could make my dreams of 'persuit of happyness'.
- I hope this straightens us back,
- I wish you have this strong feeling inside you to forgive for my wrongdoings.
- Would you please give me your 'magic' back? I desperately needing it.
p/s: am I in lovey dovey mode? I don't know, but will I be? Yeah! Excitingly anxious for this lovely week that im gonna share with you. Looking forward for a blast. Muahx!