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Im so heavy... heavy.... heavy in your arms!! haha..

weirdly weirdly weird, this phrases have been playing in my 'iBrain' for the last couple of days.

Still, my body is hurting days to days. I felt my backbone is really tired of seating in a long hours. No kidding, and when you're backbone hurts that eventually affects all of your body. Dah tua camni lah kan. I really need a massage now.

Today's was great, Finally have a conversation with my mom. I think we barely spoken since raya ok, with my work schedule and she's never in the living room after 7.00. Juz a 15 mins of conversation is enough tho' the content was barely about kiamat and son's responsibility towards his mother. Nonetheless, Its good that we talked and laughed back.

And you, yes you! have a test tomorrow right? Well better be prepared, otherwise no 'treats' for you. And Im serious. Goodluck! Remember, I am always there as your inner companion.

Need to sleep..

Im so heavy... heavy.... heavy in your arms!!~~

(Damn! this songs is really haunting)


Kenapa diri ini BODOH??

NOTHING is going my way!
This might be the most stupid-catastrophic-unfortunate event had ever happened in my life.
Gimme a little break now can I?

Oh well.

I know 'twas my fault, so why must cry over split milk right?
Belajar dari kesilapan.
Heh, easier said than done!
Habis 20 bucks saya!
When you are now in the state of broke, you'll never feel better about the money that has gone due to your own stupidity. NEVER.


I won't forgive myself.
And I was totally convinced that the universe hates me.

The moral of a event is; do not forget date of the day, must be alert. And, please think twice before make a decision. And AND you don't have to yell at people who is actually innocent, must recheck anything before say a thing! And that was my oblivious misapprehension. :(

Things MUST turn up!

Better do something about it.
I predict if I don't slow down this insanity streak within the next day, I'll go crazy.
I'd bet if things are still stagnant, I can't even do my upcoming tests.
I know my neurons are getting fried, but heck I must at least maintain the position and hoping can do it better.

For now, am praying HARD that I can happily study for my tomorrow's paper since the roomie has already went back to Shah Alam. And now I don't have to be worry just to wail sorang2 and make a total mess, muehehe~

Friday is my turn.
Tak sabar nak jumpa Kenip :D


Kawan: Banyak sangat makan semut sebab tula lupa!


Spot on!

There are fucking ants all over the place! They can even reach in the fridge, really, no joke! And bite everything in this house, even a plastic of Maggi I tell you! Maybe that is the reason why can I unintentionally ate a noodles, with an ants. What to do, I have to eat it, pembaziran! No wasted food. But I was totally convinced that I've already tossed/discarded all of that annoying creature away before eating it!



For me, and you. Yes you :)

(I can't embedded the official video, but this one is still the best!)

All time favorite, to say the least. This band annoys the fuck out of me, albeit I do love their songs, and everyone seems to place them sky high on their favorites list. Fuckyeah, I'm one of those maniac. This song though, has (always) been a peculiar exception. Had been recently listen to it all the way to the class, ha ha. Somehow, it made me happy, just to hear it, repeated.

And there is something about it that makes me want to have a good, long cry.


Heavy in your arse~

This world is hard. It has sharp edges and points that cut. It'll make you choose between love, money and sleep. Choose love each time and sleep when you can, money - only when you must.

Because this world is hard. And at times, it is too hard, for me.

What bugs me the most is how people pretend to be all fine and dandy with their lives.

Thankfully, I'm not alone.

But what bugs me even more is how stupid I was to made you feel miserable.

Yes, reminiscing.

Am doing that so often now.

Needless to say, I LOVE YOU!

I don't feel THAT hard anymore.

p/s: I have so many things to unleash here. But the internet seems don't want to co-operate! But I promise to update, SOON.

p/s 2: Am going back again this weekend! Yay! PGN (Pre-graduation night) won't refrain me to do so~
I missed 'Kenip', I miss him so~
Plus, I wanna damned go to I Love Bazaar!
It's been awhile since my last bazaar, and it's pretty lame not attend Recycle Day the other day!
No money no cry.
Boo me~

p/s 3: Portfolio test is scheduled on Thursday. Still untouched, sheesh!

(I don't fucking understand what the fuck is going on with this stupid text color!)


Soo heavy in your arms.

And is it worth the wait
All this killing time?
Are you strong enough to stand?
Protecting both your heart and mine?

She really looks so heavy at that.
But I still love her. Oh Florence~
Unlike me, I'm skinny and shorter, you can carry me all the way easily.
But you know, I'm somewhat fragile, so please handle with care.
Oh rambling.

Speaking of this amazing video, I find myself heavy to find the right words to remark.
Creepy? Boring?
Orgasm inducing? Electrified?

Because it's heavy.

To my defense, being mainstream won't change the fact that she's astonishing singer. If they were a real fan (like me), they shouldn't bother about the whole shebang right? Unlike few bands that somehow bland/forgettable when they'd go mainstream. So there.

This video is great. Florence has already shown she can make video even sorta creepy but still great for their matching with their song passionately. Her music is her own style. Her voice; phenomenal.

Not to mention that she's too tall, she's being carried doesn't work!


Found that I have to go to wedding this Saturday at Malacca. (Won't have a disappearing act anymore.) If I'm not follow the family, who the hell can I ask for help to send me off to Segamat? But the thing really irked me was that; we have to go on this Friday, my mom wants to get back earlier because she has the reason to stay and wanna be the wedding helper. Back earlier? To fuck at this. I was totally insisted, I was so kind lah kan considered to go there on Saturday, is just fine. But this?! No way in hades, I do not approve. I have piles of assignment to be finished and stay there earlier is not a good resolution for completing all of the pending works.

But god forbid I retort something on those lines. I know I can't change her mind. She'll just say I'm ignorant or rude. Then I'll get a tongue lashing from her anytime soon. I just can't win now can I?

If only someone can send me off to the wedding then I'm just fine. The boyfie? If only I can find the right direction to go all the way there, if using map pun tidak berguna. Hazard gila! No, shenanigans won't get any better. We will be definitely lost right after we arrived the town. (-.-)"

Thinking another resolution.
Ahhh, tak senang buat kerja!

Mode raya; GONE!
Down the drain...


Love In The Air.

To look at your grace
And believe what you say
But kid I'm a pilot
It's all I believe in
It's all I believe in
You can ride on my back.

To top it off, I actually feel love with this song. (since I'm in lovey-dovey mode again?)
Heck, I love that girl. I really do her, heh.

We FINALLY patched up everything since we've been busy with raya and he's with working, poor him. Everything was settled down, no more hard feeling, no more stressful conversation and lovely hassle :)

Oh how I missed that moment.
To be loved every single minute.
And(!) yours truly did (usually) non-stop ranting in 2 hours.
Yeah, that sounds so me.
When you've got nothing to do, you talk.
Talk and talk and talk without period.
I can beat Oprah, you may, or even Aznil.
Or your mother. Heh.

But loverboy,


Happy Raya! (yess~)

Balik kampung! (read without merriment)

Malacca isn't as fun as how I remembered it to be. Or maybe I've outgrown all of the familiar Raya lunacy; that is something isn't really alien to our local Eid atmosphere these days. Beside the excessive shopping streaks and scarfing out on yummy food (like I always do), so what else is out there that beautifies our Raya?

I feel blessed nevertheless, that I still can bask in yet another pagi raya. With my lovely family, of course. Even if it means defying eternal reminders of how I'll forever be the so-called 'bibik' in this household. I don't prefer to be called as Black Sheep, a 'domestic goddess' is more like it! Heh.

And since I'm 'all grown up' now, I have to toil in the kitchen (contrary to the popular beliefs, not all women enjoy enslaving themselves over the hot like hell stoves) 'Twas worse than I thought. Sweeping and cooking. I have to do it in my house and still doing it in my grandma's house. I'd rather to sit with the boys and watch the telly. Oh anyways, what the f*ck is that happening to TV3? Is all goddamn Saiful Apek face in all the movies on air? I'm in a rut. And a very stressful rut at that!

To make the matter even worse, my lovely baju raya (lovely ke?) is soiled with rendang. Wondering how hard it could be to wash the dirty clothes off. Need to scrub much then. Sigh.

Thought that I could get on with my mountain of dearly assignments; 4 solid days without the Internet will be succeeded but heck! I forgot to bring the lappy and books. Boo me. But if I really did pun, I think I don't have much time to actually open the books and go study. Malas gila!

Albeit the house is near the beach, I can't make time to play sandy beaches. :(

I have no idea why I feel so lethargic. I need to unwind, and I know exactly what to do to achieve that. Dear god, forgive me.


Not in raya mode at all.
Everything seems so dead.
And I was seething.
(I wonder how 'great' it would be next year)


Sorry, haven't took a family portrait for raya. So I just put this one, can't find any proper.
Picture courtesy of Aliya-bad girl!
But a good photographer :)

Umairah and I.
Secretly, I love her.
Her manja-ness, OMG!

Playing our phones when you came to people's house as visitors is ain't fun la dik...
So kind I was treated her oh so well.

It doesn't matter anyway, this year's raya can't be any worse than last year is.
'Twas total ho-hum.
So tried to find the best part is.

I love bullying the kiddies, it's official. (bullying right must be mine!)
But how sad to think the family prob they've got.
Feel somewhat guilty, heh.
And finally got to see my 'lil cousin!
The last time I saw her, she was 2 weeks old, too fragile for me.
Now at 2 years old (how fast time flies!), she's cheeks are perfect for pinching-HARD!
Can't help it, she's so damned cute! It runs in the family :)
But the hard time is to chill that kid from crying-out loud!
That only part that I hate so much.
But to me, that's way better than speaking.
At least it is an honest emotion. Way easier to handle!
(Bloody adults and their manipulating ways, I not only detest it, I HATE IT with every fibre of my being, thank you.)

Had family dinner at Pokteh's with again(!) yummy foods.
Had fun playing firecracker with him; cutie Mukhri.
That munchkin! So adorable and hyper.

Thank you for being grumpy with me a lil man :)

So hyper till I can't even stop laughing.
Playing football with hosepipe was a whole new ball game eh?

He as so kepala batu didn't want to wash his feet.
Damn him.

OMG, I can't believe my uncle have this one!
Ducati! My dream car! Eh bike.
It's worth an expensive car.
Wonder how bad I ride on this.
First thing I will do; PUKE!

I shall decline to publish a snapshot of myself this time as I was forced to obey ghastly to working as full-time bibik (threats more like it!) Since I look like a Mak Cik, I'd figure no amount of kick-ass make up make it any better. So I went to the dinner with sans make up (why waste good make up right?) By the end of the course, my face was reflecting light like a bloody beacon. Or the oil could actually fry a fish. Yeah right.

Angry me + Tired - make up = Banshee.
(Mak Cik version; no hot death siren)


(p/s: Thank god there's no boyfie around. He will cruelly laugh at me! And see my hideous face.)

All in all,

Pigging out on yummy food. (rendang oh rendang, 3 solid days with rendang! New menu/experience; lepat palas? Palas lepat? Whatever. Don't know how to spell)

Funny visitors=funny chatting. (Stomach ache syndrome due to ketawa tak hengat dunia)

Duit raya, not much. But at least I can binge KFC with the boyfie right after I get back to SA, can't wait! I miss him miserably already :(

Funny how seeing all the cousins had already built a family made me feel warm inside. With their beautiful sons and daughters. I was so lame in updates! 'Twas a huge gobsmacked! Oh well, happy for them.

I love my grandma deeper and deeper!

I hate the kiddies, hope when they 'all grown up', they'll change to be a great person. (not like us, the older) Make us proud and kicking ass!

It's good to hear all the good news, but not the hassle in pagi raya lah :(
So I wish we could have a better bash in next year!

Selamat Hari Raya, folks. :)

Hope you find it in your heart the honesty to honour your 'maaf zahir batin' with; as will I seek, and shin, to do the same.



A little drama had happened yesterday.

After berbuka.

Me: Can I use your car tonight mom?

Emak: Cannot, your brother already reserved for tonight.

Me: Fine.

Sahur Time.

Me: Where did he goes last night with your car mom?

Emak: He didn't use my car. Anyways, if he said he doesn't wanna borrow at the first place pun, I won't let you use it.

Me: Why?

Emak: Because I think Payi wanna use it.

This is unfair.

I do on the domestic help (even not much, but still!)
I need a tips. So I can do some shopping.
Ayah please?

2 days left for puasa.


I know I shouldn't be too happy that the holy month will be over but hey! I can pig out when ever I want again! I think we deserve a big YEAY! :D




Si Malang.

Yesterday was rough.
When life shoves horseshit at you, it never seems to stop.

There were many things I've been regretted in my life BUT I have never felt this bad. Talk about rotten luck, I can't get a break now can I?

We have a minor accident. It happened in campus, I was about to go to lecturer's office. That was a BIG mistake. Literally, we're safe, haven't got wounded or bruised. But I know his heart did, me too! *sigh*

Baby B is sick now :(
Oh money, come to me hear my plea~

And I was upset to see him mourning.

If only can I rewind back the time, I should have drive the car at the first place.