I wrote this for you..

I can sacrifice my health
And I can sacrifice my money.
I can sacrifice my nights.
And I can sacrifice my sanity.
I can sacrifice my words.
And I can sacrifice a song.
I can sacrifice the world.
And I can sacrifice nearly everyone in it.
The only thing I won't let them take, is you.

-via I wrote this for you.



When will I see you again
You left with no goodbye
Not a single a word was said
No final kiss to seal any sins
I had no idea in the state we were in

I know I have a fickle heart
And a bitterness and a wandering eye and a heaviness in my head

But don't you remember
Don't you remember
The reason you left me before
Baby, please remember me once more

When was the last time
You thought of me
Have you completely erased me from your memory
I often think about where I went wrong
The more I do the less I know

I gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hope that you find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me..

Why don't you remember?
Don't your remember?
The reason you left me before
Baby, please remember me once more

When will I see you again..?


In The Arc Of Your Mallet

Don't go anywhere without me.

Let nothing happen in the sky apart from me,

or on the ground, in this world or that world,

without my being in its happening.

Vision, see nothing I don't see.

Language, say nothing.

The way the night knows itself with the moon, be that with me.

Be the rose nearest to the thorn that I am.

I want to feel myself in you when you taste food, in the arc of your mallet when you work, when you visit friends, when you go up on the roof by yourself at night.

There's nothing worse than to walk out along the street without you.

I don't know where I'm going.

You're the road, and the knower of roads,

more than maps, more than love.

-Mevlana Jalaluddin Rumi


Raya... (Blurghhh)

Raya.. Raya! RAYA!!
(Apa tu raya?)

There's only one thing about raya that I like the most, every time..
Is non-stop eating.
And oh! Not forget to mention, bullying time~

I came to realise when I see everyone was busy uploaded a raya snapshots. But my raya was another story la for sho! I didn't even take a pic of myself on the first raya, I was too busy eating at the dapur, MAKAN! Even while the visitors came to the house, I still can't stop eating and even had joined them eating.. Buruk perangai.

Of rendang, lemang, sambal kacang, nasi beriyani, and OH! kuih raya~
One word; HEAVEN!

A friend on Facebook asked me where's my raya pictures..
So here goes my boo boo snapshots.

First of all, I want to brag to the world my new baby.
I have seven pairs actually.
But I love this the most.
Merely because the height is higher than others.
Super grow!
Ayah told me that I don't have to wear them since I'm already tall.
Eh? (means I don't care)

Opted to snap a pic of the shoe only.
Since my face was as pale as a ghost.
Didn't even bother to put on a make up.
Nampak sgt pemalasnya.


2. Okay, this one is really cute.
Mother and father.
(Okay, no pun intended eh.)


3. Her name is Syuhaida.
She is my little cousin.
Annoyingly cute kiddo.
Not friendly.
Always be a weeper.

Whereas I'm an expert in bullying job.

Okay fine I did bully her till she cries.
Haha! *cue evil face!*
No lah, I didn't do that, 'twas because she fell off in the small drain.


4. She's my twin.
Not really a twin lah, simply because of our locks are looking similar.
Shinny and groovy~ Vah!

She's Umairah.
A little cousin.
And please now that she's a gymnast.
So as her older sister, Izzati.

This is Aliya.
Boyish but still cute.
Always helped me in bullying Syuhaida, weaker.

And oh, Umairah and Aliya is sibling.

I asked her if she wants to be a gymnast too.
But I was gobsmacked when she said, "Nak join angkat berat".
What the fish? O.o
Can't even stop laughing when I heard that, even now.


5. My anak buah-buahan.
Forgot her name, sorry.


6. On the 2nd day of raya.
The sister, cousin (Marina) and I have watched a movie and of course, ka-la-oke.
Ahh, it has been ages since my last movie.
Chose Final Destination 5 but ended up watching Hantu Bonceng.
(A free movie after all, Marina's treat!)

Taken this pic at the ka-la-oke place.
(Still, not a raya pic at all, even the raya feeling is off)
Tak rasa macam raya langsung!


7. Choc Fudge & Classic Cheese Cake.
Quarter's meal & Chicken Salad.
At Kenny Roger's.
(Looking at this pic makes me famished!)

When we got back home, we off to go beraya pula.
Damn tiring.
But I'm still happy coz my tum tum was fulled with a good food!
And a good times.
But minus a financial woe comes afterwards.
There goes my duit raya outta my wallet~


8. The persons on these three pics are the people I miss the most.
The cousins and my anak buah-buahan(s).
Lina, she's now pregnant and the ETA is on this month.
Maybe by a week or two.
So, she can't come to Malacca and stayed in KL with her hubby.
Ahh, can't wait to see my new anak buah!

These two pics are taken on Lina's wedding day.
And her bridesmaid was me.

Oja, my lovely sweet cousin.
And oh she's pregnant too.
Have two cute kids- Zahid & Zawiyah.
Adore them!

Look how cute they are!
Haven't got a chance to meet them on raya.
Since I was busy went out for outing.

I miss you guys to bits!

Will put same caption later.
Nampak sgt pemalasnya~

(Done putting some captions!)

They say the factor of jovial on Raya is an age. Maybe, it's merely I'm too old for jollying my raya(?) And I for one couldn't disagree their words. Especially when those kids asked a duit raya from me. Damn them! Am I look really old? Hey, everyone said that I look like budak lepasan SPM tau?! Heh.

Anyhow, SHRMZB!
Lotsa loves,



The differences between men and women.
F yeah.


Most Amazing Time Lapse Video of Milky Way Ever Made.

Terje Sorgjerd, the photographer behind the viral The Aurora. Here, Sorgjerd captures the Milky Way over El Teide, Spain's highest mountain.

I always keep my dreams to be there.
One lucky day.

(please view on the full screen)

Music is by Ludovico Einaudi - Nuvole Bianche

Do not stand at my grave and weep - Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush.
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

I am an Ailurophile.

Ailurophile A cat-lover.

Assemblage A gathering.

Becoming Attractive.

Beleaguer To exhaust with attacks.

Brood To think alone.

Bucolic In a lovely rural setting.

Bungalow A small, cozy cottage.

Chatoyant Like a cat’s eye.

Comely Attractive.

Conflate To blend together.

Cynosure A focal point of admiration.

Dalliance A brief love affair.

Demesne Dominion, territory.

Demure Shy and reserved.

Denouement The resolution of a mystery.

Desuetude Disuse.

Desultory Slow, sluggish.

Diaphanous Filmy.

Dissemble Deceive.

Dulcet Sweet, sugary.

Ebullience Bubbling enthusiasm.

Effervescent Bubbly.

Efflorescence Flowering, blooming.

Elision Dropping a sound or syllable in a word.

Elixir A good potion.

Eloquence Beauty and persuasion in speech.

Embrocation Rubbing on a lotion.

Emollient A softener.

Ephemeral Short-lived.

Epiphany A sudden revelation.

Erstwhile At one time, for a time.

Ethereal Gaseous, invisible but detectable.

Evanescent Vanishing quickly, lasting a very short time.

Evocative Suggestive.

Fetching Pretty.

Felicity Pleasantness.

Forbearance Withholding response to provocation.

Fugacious Fleeting.

Furtive Shifty, sneaky.

Gambol To skip or leap about joyfully.

Glamour Beauty.

Gossamer The finest piece of thread, a spider’s silk.

Halcyon Happy, sunny, care-free.

Harbinger Messenger with news of the future.

Imbrication Overlapping and forming a regular pattern.

Imbroglio An altercation or complicated situation.

Imbue To infuse, instill.

Incipient Beginning, in an early stage.

Ineffable Unutterable, inexpressible.

Ingénue A naïve young woman.

Inglenook A cozy nook by the hearth.

Insouciance Blithe nonchalance.

Inure To become jaded.

Labyrinthine Twisting and turning.

Lagniappe A special kind of gift.

Lagoon A small gulf or inlet.

Languor Listlessness, inactivity.

Lassitude Weariness, listlessness.

Leisure Free time.

Lilt To move musically or lively.

Lissome Slender and graceful.

Lithe Slender and flexible.

Love Deep affection.

Mellifluous Sweet sounding.

Moiety One of two equal parts.

Mondegreen A slip of the ear.

Murmurous Murmuring.

Nemesis An unconquerable archenemy.

Offing The sea between the horizon and the offshore.

Onomatopoeia A word that sounds like its meaning.

Opulent Lush, luxuriant.

Palimpsest A manuscript written over earlier ones.

Panacea A solution for all problems

Panoply A complete set.

Pastiche An art work combining materials from various sources.

Penumbra A half-shadow.

Petrichor The smell of earth after rain.

Plethora A large quantity.

Propinquity Proximity; Nearness

Pyrrhic Successful with heavy losses.

Quintessential Most essential.

Ratatouille A spicy French stew.

Ravel To knit or unknit.

Redolent Fragrant.

Riparian By the bank of a stream.

Ripple A very small wave.

Scintilla A spark or very small thing.

Sempiternal Eternal.

Seraglio Rich, luxurious oriental palace or harem.

Serendipity Finding something nice while looking for something else.

Summery Light, delicate or warm and sunny.

Sumptuous Lush, luxurious.

Surreptitious Secretive, sneaky.

Susquehanna A river in Pennsylvania.

Susurrous Whispering, hissing.

Talisman A good luck charm.

Tintinnabulation Tinkling.

Umbrella Protection from sun or rain.

Untoward Unseemly, inappropriate.

Vestigial In trace amounts.

Wafture Waving.

Wherewithal The means.

Woebegone Sorrowful, downcast.

Source: So Much To Tell You

Heh. This what a dead bloggie page looks like. (=.=)

Dear god,

I need you.
Because I don't have strength to stay.
I'm bumbling myself.
Trying to figure out what my life is all about.
Can you help me?

Tell me..
What's wrong with me?
Why things changed this bad?
I've never wanted to be as the person you see.
Tell me who I am now.
You kept me here alive when I wanted to die.
I'm falling apart and get weak inside.
Feel nothing.

Oh god, please tell me.
Are you disappointed?


Weight of The World.

By now, I'm supposedly to wrap all the parcels of shoes that to be posted tomorrow. (I wish I will be able to wake up in the morning) But what am I doing now is shopping...online. Dang! And it's 3 frigging a.m. Ahhh, I'm seriously need a firm fortitude to actually stop shopping. Some say, 'shop till you drop'. And I say 'do not stop until you drop'. Or may be it's a distress that have been gravelling me a lot..

I bought one more shoe and that is final, no more buying shoes! I think I really need them, it's an oxford shoes kot.. And one more skirt, and it's a mesh body con skirt! Also a cute lace mesh top adn a rosette trim top, a very cute one. And and.. *semput..* Oh not forget to mention, I've bought a vintage necklace too! Now, I feel.. oh so complete!

To make the matter worse now am ordering another four vintage dresses... I think I'll never get enough of it.. *Sighs* (I am sighing way too much these days!)

Note to self:
Sort out your priorities!

I think I should just stop. Red Sepatu is not even making me richer. They're making me poorer.. But ends up with a feeling so much happier!

Oh please, stop me from shopping..


Okay now, I ought to go back wrapping this stuff!

What am I stressing over now is an oxford shoe at the top on this snapshot.
I was supposedly ordered the heel instead of this oxford shoe.
I was type a wrong code to my supplier.

And 'twas my second mistake.
The damned same mistakes.
The first one was a wrong code saved in the FB account.

How the hell am I gonna resell them?!

Lesson learnt.
Today, I loaded orders to my supplier.
Triple checking.
Loading and loading..
No more mistakes.
And sent!

Wish I don't make any mistakes.
Or I should think about quitting...




I cannot wait.
To receive 4 shoes & 2 skirts.
For raya?

p/s: Still searching high and low for this year's baju raya. MALAS!
I'm not really into Raya mode. (obviously)
p/p/s: But I'm proudly could say that I still don't miss fasting for these three days.


Electricity in my head.

"A little by little
And then a little bit more
Come on come one
Now we're almost there."

Have been listened to this god knows how long.
It actually induced me to stay fasting today.
God knows how bad I am.
Boo to me.



In the depths of despair...

I am made of rocks and glasses

I am made of death notes from the songs you never heard

I am made of ego and self destruction

I am made of hatred and junkie

Nothing has killed me yet

Not even you .



All I wanted was you.

I came to you for solace, when no family nor boyfriend can prolly understand when I'm in a quandary, you'd always be there through bad and good times, for once. You happened to be my support system awhile back. You kept my head above the water, you used to be my protector. I did weep whenever I needed you or missing you, I was that shallow. When I stared at our precious ring, my heart shattered into pieces..

I shall be grateful and keep you forever for all of the shit you've pulled me out of and the adversity we've been gone through together. You've always pushed me to be stronger and never have a faith in a relationship. But things have to be changed. I know we've fought before and 'twas my mistakes, I shall understand why we tend to fade away.. Or I guess we're just..strayed? Too busy with our little lives.

And I for one, missing our old memories.. How did it changed this bad? You've never called me or even answered all of my calls, I've tried to understand but sometimes I'd thought I was no longer your favorite. Maybe it was my fault. And for that and everything else, I am sorry. I'm happy for just seeing you happy there without me. (through facebook no less!!) And I profusely say that no one can have what we have, I'll be goddamn stupid for letting us go, so please come back and I will be waiting with open arms.

I miss you.

But does she misses me too?



I wanna walk alone this time around.

I feel like hell.

Hell I tell you.


There comes a point where someone wonders, "What the hell is going on?" when they do not understand what and why they're feeling so. This stupid feeling of despair and somewhat lost is eating me up. I feel....unattached, was someway lonely. I think my one and only hope is gone. I think the world itself is really hates me now.

And honestly, I think I'm losing my marbles. I have an obscure idea of how ugly things may come if I try to get to the bottom of this, but the view of having to stare at my worst fears right in the face, I have to cowardly admit, is something I'm not yet ready to do.

Being sad is so ho-hum. (and wasteful) No mood to go out. No mood to even have fun.

What do you do when the one who has always kept you adrift, the person who you'd thought always be there and never leave, is not as 'unbeatable' as you thought they were? What if everything you've done your whole life rotated around that person, when that person leaves, what do you do then?? What do you do?

What should I do??

I think I need some time...


Love headed her to Blake.
Blake guided her to do drugs/alcohols.
Drugs/alcohols led her to her sudden death.
Blake is the end of her life.
I agree that true love kills.
In this case, Amy's love is really a losing game.
As mine.

Amy, rest in peace. :'(




Just began working part time at Tangs, Empire, with my darling yesterday. I know it's abit late, but I don't care, I want pocket money for paying rents starting this September. To summarize the impression about it into one word; HECTIC! Even the working hours are short from 6 - 10 pm, I prolly can managed to sleep early, that's mean I'm really fagged. Woah, this is no joke. Or may be it's just me that had been super lazy arse throughout the holidays, after a long time of mollycoddling myself. So yeah. It's hard work baby. But thank Lord I managed to handle my little business straight away after works. Superwoman eh? (=.=)"

This was taken after we finished our working.
Still wearing the name tag as you can see.
Very industrious.

Anyhow, I can't wait to join the Rock The Youth event this Saturday! BIG TIME yo! I hope everything goes well, am crossing my fingers though..

One thing struck me was.... I suck at saving money. Seriously. I've just bought 4 dresses and a shirt! I'm an EPIC FAILURE. I thought running a business would somehow help my financial sufferings. Haha! I'm just daydreaming~

Environing myself with such pretty things makes me want to buy them more!! But I think that wasn't the good point, because I still shopping frantically with or without starting my little business. I think it's in my gene. To make the matter worse is when I'm working at Tangs these days, I found myself something to grab, I've even selected a few things to put on my shopping list. They're so tempting! Plus, they're on SALES!! Arghhhhhh~

This is BAD!
It needs restating;

My poor man who marries me must have a lardy pocket. I will not be surprised if he decides to kick me off to shopping rehab to relieve the misery of mine. :/


What spooked me was this;

Dear Azni,

Nobody's gonna like you.

Yours truly,
The World



Any thoughts, yet?

What do we become
Trying to kill each other?
Where did all the love go?
I don't know....


The Killer Sepatu

With Red Sepatu as my new bff (Big Fat Friends? Aha!) and the job searching, I am now officially mentally and physically zonked! We have reached 2000+ friends already! Yeay! I've never think that we will reach that far, because we've just started our operation in May, that was fast.. Two months and counting...

RS features the most famous Christian Louboutin and some of Nike High Heels, look how far we've been gone these days! Next up; Giuseppe Zanotti! Woot! I shall thank to my new friend, Lala who taught me a lot about this little business. Thanks, bro! (if you're reading this) Visit his shop too, here!

In blogging mode tonight, since I need to accompany RS instead of having all-nighter with the bestie, Miza. Just because I'm really broke! And not forget to mention, am still jobless!

I'm doing some research about shoes. Some of my customers ask me to find other brands of shoes, instead of normal grade shoe in our collections. And I found these killer shoes which is WICKED! Me like!!

Caution: Heavy snapshots post! And don't get heart attack of them! Stay focuy ey!

1, 2, 3.. OkGO!

1. Christian Louboutin

What the fish?
If only I can do ballet dancing~
This one is my favorite!

Enough with CL, (they have too many collections!) proceed with;

After a very long search, I finally found this lovely boots!
And they kept asking about it.
I hope the factory have them.
*crossing fingers*
Because I actually want them too!
Wet wet dreams~
My second choice.
So vintage yet classic.
The hell??
You see the heels at the left side, (I don't know what to call them) a real killer heels!
I'm wondering how the fuck can I walk in them!
I wanna have one of them!
I will look like Sienna Miller! :P

3. Giuseppe Zanotti

It's actually one of my customer's favorite shoes.
And I found a very 'peliks' slash WICKED slash 'my future shoes that I'll put them in my future Shoes Museum' type and will never wear them in public! But they're super gorgeous~
Haha, head over heels in love with them!
The colors and the shapes, one word; SEXY!
So much for artsy designs!
Macam kereta batman kan?
My museum MUST have!
But I'm pretty sure that I can rock them in public, with latex dress, perhaps?
Sure they're kinda heavy.
Oh well, they're exercisable!
With full of diamonds/crystals~
*Shakes head*
So much for my museum must have~

4. Vivienne Westwood

She's one of my fashion muse when I dreamt of being a fashion designer awhile back in high school.
She's my favorite designer.
She's a total freak.
But brilliant, indeed.
Sky high platform heels with a sharp spike.
What to call this?
An alien ride?

Vivienne's baby shoe!
I wanna buy them for my future kids!

With cherry on top?

A ship is it??
It looks one..

Flowery heels...

YEAH, another museum type in my book!

to be continued.....