20110128

A Learning Process.

Of late, I'm not getting a real trouble sleeping but I have promised myself to update something, so here I am. As you have most prolly noticed, I possess little but shitty words nowadays.

Oh well.

To top it off, 'twas super fantastic here, Malacca. But not so magical without my boy. What gives eh?

Oh well.

I still can grab my chance tomorrow! Oh, I have a bunch of things to do with him already. Ergo, we should not waste the holidays! Should squeeze ourselves to the moon. I really really missed him. And to heal the sufferings, I've read his latest sweetest (!) post like zillion times! Thank you! I owe you one, it has been ages not having a beautiful thought of yours. I adore you, sayangku. I don't have ANY such thing just to beat his writing. I've lost my magic. :(

And there's certainly nothing I like about my life right now.
Having bad times alone without him, no such fun.
For starters, let's talk about all of this vengeance.

And I've no idea as to why over the years, without fail, I've constantly exhibited gravely questionable tendencies to fall for such (occasional or often) 'talam' friends. I never seem to learn, don't I? It's maddening how...accepting those words sound like. It's as if we're all meant to be condemned to a lifetime of never-ending 'bad' choices. In my case, I'm no longer firm believer of so-called 'soul sister'. I never trust this, I never trust that, I mean I never trust you. Annoying as fuck, but it's beginning to get quite apparent that I'm still playing deaf, blind and heartless. Feigning sorry unconcern. Heh. It's pretty extensive!

Of course, it's most probably because I'm one of them unflinching bulletproof myself.

I think I never know what the talam actually means?

Sometimes I just don't understand why people love to find flaws in others. Apa yang best sgt?
I really don't understand and never will be the one. Period.

New friends, new books, new life, new faces, but same families, darlings and not to forget, Loverboy.
I'm glad enough to be me.
Alhamdulillah.

Reminder:
I am not a good daughter.
I am not a polite young lady.
I am not a good friend.
I am not a perfect girlfriend.
But, by god I do wish that I will prove them wrong.
Trust me.
This is my learning experience.
And the process is overwhelming.
It makes me even stronger.
I shall glue it all in my mind.

I miss you.
I love you.
I can't wait to see H.
I can't wait to comfort him again.
And yes, the magic itself.
Teehee :)

20110121

You

It's been 20 days now since I arrived in Seri Iskandar. And how 'joyfull' i am is beyond of what I expected. I thought at first, Segamat was more awful then SI. To think again, I was wrong.

Damn!,
I do not want to wear a tie on monday!
I do want to wear my faded jeans to classes(since I don't have a proper jeans)
I do not want to wear ID card all the time when im in campus
Most of all, I do not like to be in a situation where Im really far with you.

I do not want to miss you! But, I really really am missing you.

I miss to be with you, having the mee hoon. Eating claypot. Hanging at the field with you. Having some lone time together. I miss all of that. Feels like its so long ago when we did all of those.

Its really depressing to miss someone that deeply. But I do want to miss you, because I really do wanna be with you. I hate counting days to meet you. I just wanna count the hours when Im with you.

I think I need you by my side all the time. You have to be in my sights 24/7. Otherwise Im going nuts.

Don't you dare doubt my love, or not I'll smackdown you! Believe me, All my love is fully on you (except the love for my family), With non blood related, you have every love of mine.

I dunno what you are feelings, what you are doing. And sometimes it scares me to the point where I lost my thinking.

Today I played a big fat cat video, and all the sudden it reminds me of you. The biggest cat-lover I ever known which I found very sexy. I remembered much moment when you played with a cat. I guess all the cats that past by infront you, you would go "comel nye kucing tu!". When we're get married, Im gonna build you a cat house and you can feed all the cats you want.

I dreams of u couple of days ago. I was driving and suddenly my eyes went blind. luckily u steer the steering and saved us from accident. I wake up and I smile. I know I can rely on everything on you, I am sure that you are the one.

Next month, we'll be reaching a milestone for us. I can't describe how happy I am together with you. The journey have been like walking on fire and water, pain and laugh. What really important is we live our lives together. I can't write everything in here, must save something for the wishes next month. hehe.

Can't wait for the year anniversary, It's going to be 'magic'!!





p/s: I need you, now!

20110117

Sorry, I Love You.


Dear bloggie,

First and foremost, I beg you an apology for my disappearing act. I simply couldn't help it! Heh. I've been M.I.A since the last new year's eve. Everyone knows I'm such a sloth in updates. Due to the fact that the internet is freaking slow here in Malacca and I simply don't know why. Heck, the hectic schedule is really killing me, frantically! Hence, no updates, no leisure time, no more. But I still managed to play games. I'm basically screwed. -_-

Never thought my Loverboy is waiting for my updates! Because really, I believe that he's seldomly read all of my stupid rantings. Urghh, I have always wanted so badly to do some updates, but there's something won't let me. But I don't know what is that, hence the pending posts are still waiting to be posted, a bunch of entries that I've been held it almost in two months already. F me. I'm such a pathetic twit.

I have such a wonderful weekend, to say the least. These couple of weeks has been one fucked up emotional roller coaster ride, in order to cheer my sorry ass up, the Loverboy whisked me away to the place I love best. All I need is a therapeutic session, with him. Thank god we have such a great time more than I have anticipated- HEAVEN! I can't never say that I wasn't happy because we spent the time doing something what we loved the most. The magics. *winks* So I am happy as it is. :)

On the Saturday, we spent our little time watching late night movie, in agony. What's with me and movies these days?? Haih~ The Shock Labyrinth has a lot more schlock than shock. Do not watch this movie, folks. But I can't never say I wasn't happy. 'Twas worth my time. The film shot in 3D kot~ And I was completely amazed with the magical 3D and the price too. But even then it's not clear who's really dead or alive with what and why. If you figure the answer, do tell me!

I've lured him into temptation of having a dinner of Chocolate Volcano (Mmm, writing about it makes me hungry.. Cis!) and the pizza that was as far as we've got to finish it. Membazir! But next time around, I want 'H' Volcano! And the night we spent playing Bomberman! What's the matter with me and games these days?? A best friend eh? HAHA. We enjoyed the games and laughter, makes me happy to see him laughing HARD!

The final day, we went to his brother's wedding event at Senawang. And I've met his family again, but this time around with the whole big family. And I was struck by a collection of questions from his relatives and especially from his mom-again. It somehow makes me feel warm inside. I missed my family. She even said that I will look much nicer if I wear tudung. Plus, she also mentioned that Loverboy and I will only get married when I'm ready to wear it on me. I was gobsmacked! Is that means she is really approves me as her daughter-in-law?? Is that a green light?? *bash head on the wall!*

That, and another similar remarks from the old man that I don't even know his name is, 'twas nice talking with him, thank you! FYI, I'm not good with talking to the oldster, even with my mom is. *shrugs* At least he has made me think that the world doesn't hate me after all. Thanks for the wishes and all. Insya Allah, I will wear tudung with discretion, one fine day~

The event was with all of the happy face, as mine. Unfortunately, I didn't capture a snapshot of us on the wedding together. Epic failed! :(

Oh not forget to mention, I have enjoyed spending time with Diya's parent and preoccupied with the cats! Eeee, geram, rasa nak pijak2 je! I can't stand with their manja-ness! Meow~~

The name is Dot Com.
He likes to sleep/lie down on this huge bowl.
What the fish!!

Another cute names: Dot My, Don't Want.
Cute kan?!

And the parents are really cool.
I like them. >_<
Will surely go visit them again.
Thank you for the nice treat.

On the way back, a sudden thought struck me; how much I will miss him again. I just don't wanna leave him. I hate this part. ;(

I always knew the day would come when I'd finally have to let him go (though for a month). People will never understands, even him. I've even mentally prepared myself for it. But the sense of loss that I feel now, the gloominess. This is so overwhelming. Have you ever felt a sadness that wraps around your heart and squeezes so hard and it becomes a physical pain? Fyeah, it sounds goddamn melodramatic, but that is exactly how I felt that day. And I did not anticipate that. Goofy, I know. I think he somewhat sensed my excruciation, he held my hand, the same way he always does, so that I know he's there for me. Bliss! *sigh of relief*

Please ~PLEASE~ do not make me miss you very much.
I can't take it any longer.
Like seriously!


On the brighter note:
After years went by, that fatal day has eventually brought back my spark. Our glows.

*nail sucking*
He said I looked like a Hobbit in this snapshot.
zzzz~




Yes. I am HAPPY. Very.
Is that so hard for you to believe?
They're very elusive things, but they make me happy.
I'm very easy to please these days!
>_<



PS: Will be back with the new updates later. Haiz!
PPS: Though I still have a morning class tomorrow! Oh no~
Have to have a sleep now.
I don't wanna be sick again.
PPS2: I strictly want our own ceremony, for real..
I mean, the wedding.
Hehehehehehehehe!