In the depths of despair...

I am made of rocks and glasses

I am made of death notes from the songs you never heard

I am made of ego and self destruction

I am made of hatred and junkie

Nothing has killed me yet

Not even you .



All I wanted was you.

I came to you for solace, when no family nor boyfriend can prolly understand when I'm in a quandary, you'd always be there through bad and good times, for once. You happened to be my support system awhile back. You kept my head above the water, you used to be my protector. I did weep whenever I needed you or missing you, I was that shallow. When I stared at our precious ring, my heart shattered into pieces..

I shall be grateful and keep you forever for all of the shit you've pulled me out of and the adversity we've been gone through together. You've always pushed me to be stronger and never have a faith in a relationship. But things have to be changed. I know we've fought before and 'twas my mistakes, I shall understand why we tend to fade away.. Or I guess we're just..strayed? Too busy with our little lives.

And I for one, missing our old memories.. How did it changed this bad? You've never called me or even answered all of my calls, I've tried to understand but sometimes I'd thought I was no longer your favorite. Maybe it was my fault. And for that and everything else, I am sorry. I'm happy for just seeing you happy there without me. (through facebook no less!!) And I profusely say that no one can have what we have, I'll be goddamn stupid for letting us go, so please come back and I will be waiting with open arms.

I miss you.

But does she misses me too?



I wanna walk alone this time around.

I feel like hell.

Hell I tell you.


There comes a point where someone wonders, "What the hell is going on?" when they do not understand what and why they're feeling so. This stupid feeling of despair and somewhat lost is eating me up. I feel....unattached, was someway lonely. I think my one and only hope is gone. I think the world itself is really hates me now.

And honestly, I think I'm losing my marbles. I have an obscure idea of how ugly things may come if I try to get to the bottom of this, but the view of having to stare at my worst fears right in the face, I have to cowardly admit, is something I'm not yet ready to do.

Being sad is so ho-hum. (and wasteful) No mood to go out. No mood to even have fun.

What do you do when the one who has always kept you adrift, the person who you'd thought always be there and never leave, is not as 'unbeatable' as you thought they were? What if everything you've done your whole life rotated around that person, when that person leaves, what do you do then?? What do you do?

What should I do??

I think I need some time...


Love headed her to Blake.
Blake guided her to do drugs/alcohols.
Drugs/alcohols led her to her sudden death.
Blake is the end of her life.
I agree that true love kills.
In this case, Amy's love is really a losing game.
As mine.

Amy, rest in peace. :'(




Just began working part time at Tangs, Empire, with my darling yesterday. I know it's abit late, but I don't care, I want pocket money for paying rents starting this September. To summarize the impression about it into one word; HECTIC! Even the working hours are short from 6 - 10 pm, I prolly can managed to sleep early, that's mean I'm really fagged. Woah, this is no joke. Or may be it's just me that had been super lazy arse throughout the holidays, after a long time of mollycoddling myself. So yeah. It's hard work baby. But thank Lord I managed to handle my little business straight away after works. Superwoman eh? (=.=)"

This was taken after we finished our working.
Still wearing the name tag as you can see.
Very industrious.

Anyhow, I can't wait to join the Rock The Youth event this Saturday! BIG TIME yo! I hope everything goes well, am crossing my fingers though..

One thing struck me was.... I suck at saving money. Seriously. I've just bought 4 dresses and a shirt! I'm an EPIC FAILURE. I thought running a business would somehow help my financial sufferings. Haha! I'm just daydreaming~

Environing myself with such pretty things makes me want to buy them more!! But I think that wasn't the good point, because I still shopping frantically with or without starting my little business. I think it's in my gene. To make the matter worse is when I'm working at Tangs these days, I found myself something to grab, I've even selected a few things to put on my shopping list. They're so tempting! Plus, they're on SALES!! Arghhhhhh~

This is BAD!
It needs restating;

My poor man who marries me must have a lardy pocket. I will not be surprised if he decides to kick me off to shopping rehab to relieve the misery of mine. :/


What spooked me was this;

Dear Azni,

Nobody's gonna like you.

Yours truly,
The World



Any thoughts, yet?

What do we become
Trying to kill each other?
Where did all the love go?
I don't know....


The Killer Sepatu

With Red Sepatu as my new bff (Big Fat Friends? Aha!) and the job searching, I am now officially mentally and physically zonked! We have reached 2000+ friends already! Yeay! I've never think that we will reach that far, because we've just started our operation in May, that was fast.. Two months and counting...

RS features the most famous Christian Louboutin and some of Nike High Heels, look how far we've been gone these days! Next up; Giuseppe Zanotti! Woot! I shall thank to my new friend, Lala who taught me a lot about this little business. Thanks, bro! (if you're reading this) Visit his shop too, here!

In blogging mode tonight, since I need to accompany RS instead of having all-nighter with the bestie, Miza. Just because I'm really broke! And not forget to mention, am still jobless!

I'm doing some research about shoes. Some of my customers ask me to find other brands of shoes, instead of normal grade shoe in our collections. And I found these killer shoes which is WICKED! Me like!!

Caution: Heavy snapshots post! And don't get heart attack of them! Stay focuy ey!

1, 2, 3.. OkGO!

1. Christian Louboutin

What the fish?
If only I can do ballet dancing~
This one is my favorite!

Enough with CL, (they have too many collections!) proceed with;

After a very long search, I finally found this lovely boots!
And they kept asking about it.
I hope the factory have them.
*crossing fingers*
Because I actually want them too!
Wet wet dreams~
My second choice.
So vintage yet classic.
The hell??
You see the heels at the left side, (I don't know what to call them) a real killer heels!
I'm wondering how the fuck can I walk in them!
I wanna have one of them!
I will look like Sienna Miller! :P

3. Giuseppe Zanotti

It's actually one of my customer's favorite shoes.
And I found a very 'peliks' slash WICKED slash 'my future shoes that I'll put them in my future Shoes Museum' type and will never wear them in public! But they're super gorgeous~
Haha, head over heels in love with them!
The colors and the shapes, one word; SEXY!
So much for artsy designs!
Macam kereta batman kan?
My museum MUST have!
But I'm pretty sure that I can rock them in public, with latex dress, perhaps?
Sure they're kinda heavy.
Oh well, they're exercisable!
With full of diamonds/crystals~
*Shakes head*
So much for my museum must have~

4. Vivienne Westwood

She's one of my fashion muse when I dreamt of being a fashion designer awhile back in high school.
She's my favorite designer.
She's a total freak.
But brilliant, indeed.
Sky high platform heels with a sharp spike.
What to call this?
An alien ride?

Vivienne's baby shoe!
I wanna buy them for my future kids!

With cherry on top?

A ship is it??
It looks one..

Flowery heels...

YEAH, another museum type in my book!

to be continued.....